Christine's Transition Adventures

[Christine]

Hello Folks,                   20 April 2020

I wrote this in my journal back in March 2018. I'm going to post my complete journal here on this brand new Transgender Resource, TRANS HAVEN. Thank You Dena. Dena is the Love of My Life.


Hello Folks,                   18 March 2018

Hi, I'm Christine. When I finally realized and accepted that I am MTF I had an enormous feeling of relief and happiness at being so and gratitude for the help my counselor gave me.

The desire to be a girl only left me when I was a young adult wanting to be a women. All this happened years ago; I'm a product of the 1940's, pre WW II. At any rate, I tried to suppress my desire as best that I could. I eventually married and began wearing my wife's clothes with her blessing. Eventually divorced, remarried and divorced again.

A little over eight years ago I was wearing women's clothing full time and living as a woman, though I don't think anyone noticed it for what it was. I didn't try to pass as female due to physical limitations. Sometimes it pays to be a bit flamboyant and eccentric.

I enjoyed what I was doing but didn't feel fulfilled. I was living in denial and deceit. I realized I needed to come to terms with who and what I was. At that time the only thing I knew about transgender was how to spell it; I was essentially clueless.

Onto the Internet and all that it promised; lots of info. I did a lot of searching and found Sherry Joanne's Transition Web Site; a fine documentary of her passage through transition plus a wealth of other transgender information. It was during my research I realized I must be transgender. I looked for a counselor, made an appointment and had a visit. Her conclusion was that I was a female in a man's body, hence Transgender.

Prior to my final counselor visit, some email went back and forth between us. In one of the emails I received from her she made a statement that had a profound impact on me. Here's her statement: "As you wear gals' clothes most of the time, think of an identity name that goes with that, such as gender-nonconforming, that feels honest." When I read this sentence I felt liberated and positive that I am a real woman, though I don't look like one... Yet!!!.
 
My response to her was: "I believe my gender ID should be female, which is where I am mentally and where I want to be physically; even prior to my orchiectomy and HRT, female is the most honest and correct gender ID I can think of. I did spend time trying to come up with something cute and witty. In the end, anything other than female would have been untrue and a continuation of the denial I have been living with most of my life."

Monday should be an exciting day; I have an appointment with my primary doctor; I will be outing myself to him and hope he will be there to help me transition or will find someone that can and will if he is unable. I'll let you know how it goes.

Speaking of outing oneself, I hadn't the foggiest as to how I should go about it, I just knew I wanted to and should do it and hope for the best. My first outing turned out to be with my gastro and was a very fulfilling event. Next I outed to a family of dear friends. I received their love and complete support for my transition. What a fantastic experience. Each time I do it I feel another surge of happiness. Why did I wait so long to decide to transition???

Nothing is going to stop me, I am going to travel this sometimes bumpy road to my destiny, which is to be what I have wanted to be since I was a young boy of 5; being a girl, a woman and a real female. I have now begun the adventure of a lifetime. I've had many great adventures in life, this will be one of the greatest. To keep things in perspective, during my transition I met the Love of My Life, Dena; my relationship with Her is and Has Been The Greatest Event of My Life; Nothing will ever Transcend it. I Love You Dena Dear, With All My Heart and Soul.

Best Always, Love 

Christine

[Christine]

Hi Folks,                           18 March 2018

I can't wait for tomorrow to out myself to my Doctor of over 20 years. He is also a personal friend so I'm not worried about him not accepting my decision to transition. He already knows that I want an orchiectomy and that I dress in women's clothes so I seriously doubt that he will be surprised.

I now know what and who I am and what I want to be for the remainder of my life. That being said I am sure I do not need a lengthy trial period. Also, I'm not a spring chicken so I don't want to waste any more time than I already have. Old too soon; smart too late; though I won't let it be too late for me this time.

Starting on female hormones without the AA's should, in my opinion, help initiate my feminization. Then an orchiectomy, should, (IMO) speed up the feminization process. My goal is to have my physical self align with my true female gender in less time than it would using AAs. When the alignment becomes obviously noticeable, it will be the blessing I am hoping for. I'm already looking at bras though I won't be buying one until I have something real to put in one.

My appointment with a surgeon that provides services for our community is less than a month away. I hope he will accept where I'm coming from and will schedule my orchiectomy for shortly thereafter.

Best Always, Love

Christine

[Christine]

Hi  Folks,                        19 May 2018

Got up later than usual this AM; went to bed later than usual so I guess it all evened out.

Fed the kids (arf,  arf, & arf) fed this old gal, typed up the items I wanted to discuss with the Doc. Got that done, took the kids out for their morning "duty" stroll; ate b-fast, showered and dressed in sexy panties, cami and top, nice slacks, flashy sneakers then headed for my appointment with the Doctor.

Took care of the medical stuff, which was a shot for my seasonal allergies; That done I handed him my transition letter from the counselor, His first comment was "I'm proud of you." He was fully supportive and said he would write a letter for the surgeon recommending the orchi without going through the trial period with AAs.

We discussed the hormones; he said he had ok'd prescription refills for trans patients but had never started anyone on them. He said he would find a good endocrinologist to handle my hormone treatment. We talked a lot about my transition and how I came to this point. I gave him the bio I wrote just for this situation and he agreed this is what I need to do.

I think my 10 minute appointment ran for over an hour. I tell people I'd hate to be the person with the appointment that follows mine.

I felt like a million bucks on my way home. Things, so far, are going very well. After taking the kids out I saw the mail truck coming down our route so I waited for my favorite "Female-man" to get to my house. She pulled up to where I was standing. We said our pleasantries and then I asked her if she could keep a secret. Of course she said sure she could. I then told her I am transgender MTF. She started laughing and said: "No you're not, you  are too manly." We went back and forth having a good time yuking it up and her not believing me. I eventually said; "Look at the clothes I'm wearing, what do you think?" she said "You look kind of gay." So I pulled the lace strap of my camisole out through the neck of my top, at which she then realized I wasn't joking. So this went well and was a lot of fun. She brought up a point when she asked me if I was going to date men. I said no, I like women and want to be one.

She left, which left me thinking: Who am I supposed to date, if I decide to date? To be clear, I love women and like to be with them doing whatever they do and being one. When I am in a mixed gender social setting I always gravitate towards the women. I like talking with them; they are much more interesting than most men who love to talk about macho stuff like football, baseball, basketball, golf, etc. I could care less about that stuff, I like to listen to and be with the ladies and to be one. I really can't see myself dating a man; I was one for almost 78 years and know what they're like, UGH!

My next stop was to another lady friend and she was completely supportive. I didn't have a lot of time with her as her husband, my buddy, is ill. Next I visited my deceased buddies widow and let her read the letter and bio. Her first comment was: "At least you could have given me a bit of a warning." I told her that's what I have been doing with the clothing I wear. When I ride my bike I wear women's shorts, tank top, socks and shoes. They are always bright colors and most of the time there is something in hot pink, my favorite color. Hint: if you see a 78 year old transgender woman wearing hot pink, there's a chance it's me. If she has a hot pink ball cap on that says "NAVY" on it, it probably is me. Now all you have to do is figure out where I am; HINT: The largest piece of real-estate in CONUS. Before I left she asked if she was going to loose her pasture Mower. I told her no, I'll still mow the pasture and to top things off she gains a "Lady friend."

I think I'm having too much fun outing myself; it could become habit forming.  This has to be it for today; I need sleep. A bit of advice to anyone wavering; don't wait too long like I did.

Best Always, Love

Christine

[Christine]

Hi Folks,                          20 March 2018

My understanding is that once we are transitioning to female, we loose the funky male odor common to males.  Before I started to transition I always wondered why I smelled so bad after sweating a little. I hate the smell and will be glad that will go after the orchie.

I think the seats they put on bikes are meant to torture our anatomy; having the orchie  should help resolve that issue. I have purchased numerous saddles (bike seats). Eventually, you will find one that is compatible with your anatomy. One of the things I found that helps cushion the crotch is using panty liners in my panties. I buy Poise Ultra thin pads, long length #3 on the absorbency scale. I get them at Walmart; you can find some that are thicker and wider but they may end up chaffing the inside of your thighs. I think it's a trial and error situation. Buy the smallest package you can the first time.

There are times here that the wind is so strong that it's almost impossible to ride down hill; its actually easier to ride up. It's usually windy here with 50 mph winds being common.

Here is a little something that I discovered during my transgender research: Getting rid of the testes (Orchie) can add years to ones life span. Several studies indicate that anywhere from 5 to 19 years. I hope I can be awake during the Orchie, it will be a dream come true.

I have never been happier than I am now that I have embraced my femininity and started my adventure of transition. I know that being a women is what I had been searching for all my life. I just wasn't looking in the right places.

Best Always, Love

Christine

NOTE: Comment 14 December 2019:
 
This journal entry was written in March 2018, Before I met Dena. I'm now happier than I have ever been because Dena is now in my life and the Love of My Life. Thank You Dear.

[Christine]

Hi Folks,                               25 March 2018

My transition and outing have been going well; did experience a minor setback when I went to the endocrinologists office to make an appointment; they scheduled my appointment for three and a half months out; that is July.

I was hoping to have had the orchie done by then and be on my way with HRT sans testes. Started looking for a new endo doc. Friday morning I located one not far from where I take my showers. She said she was new to the transgender world but would be glad to help me. Took her up on the offer figuring we could work on the transition project together, both learning along the way. She has been an endo for 21 years so she has to know a lot. She was recruited by one of the premier medical practices in this area: DFW. Now you know where to find me.

One of the pluses that may come from her accepting me as her patient is that she will take good care of me and be willing to accept more of us as clients; a win win for all.

Friday I decided to drive over to her office so I'd know the best way to get there. Got there w/o a hitch so I went inside to fill out the paperwork.

Got that done so headed for home; on the way I decided to stop by the first endo's office to pick up my medical records and cancel my appointment with him.

Here it is Sunday morning, two more days until my appointment. Will update later that day.

Best Always, Love

Christine

[Christine]

Hi Folks,                25 March 2018

After I cancelled my original endo appointment and retrieved my records, I talked to a friend that has a tran relative that goes to this same doctor. She told me that the doc makes you wait a long time for the first appointment. After you finally get there the doc looks over your paperwork then tells you he can't do a thing for you until you see a psychiatrist. This should have been mentioned prior to the first appointment. So now you have to find a psycho doc, wait until he/she sees you, then make another appointment with the endo and another long wait, which pushes you out to about a year.

I hope the new doctor I will see this Tuesday morning turns out to be a really great endocrinologist that will be willing to serve our community. I'll let you all know how it goes Tuesday afternoon. I have a good feeling about her in that she told me up front that she didn't have a lot of experience with transgender patients and that if I was willing to let her treat me she would help me. Can't ask for more than that. I am hoping she starts me on HRT Tuesday. I am really looking forward to being the woman I have always wanted to be.

In a few more months I'll turn 78, which is the number in my screen name. I have adopted the name Christine to be the name I will take when I legally change my name soon after my orchiectomy, which I hope happens next month. I am the happiest I have ever been and know I will even be happier once I have had my Orchie.

Best Always, Love

Christine

[Christine]

Hi Folks,                              27 March 2018

I went to my appointment with my new endocrinologist today; I struck gold. When she walked into the exam room, the place sparkled. I instantly knew she was the right doctor. She is everything you could want in a doctor and a lot more. I had a good feeling and lots of good vibes even before I met her. She spent over an hour with me; how often do you find that.

I asked her if she would be willing to help our community and she said yes. She has to put a team together because she is only one person and wouldn't be able to handle it at the moment. She said she will let me know when I can reveal her name.

I feel completely safe in her hands. She prescribed transdermal patches, so I'll use those until my next appointment 2 months down the road. She is going to write the surgeon a letter okaying the orchiectomy. My preliminary appointment with him is Monday 09 April 2018.

Do you think I'm happy? You bet I am. Now, if I can just figure out how to get the patch out of its wrapper.

I applied the first patch at exactly 1600 hours CDT today; I'm on my way to being the woman I have always wanted to be.

Now I am anxiously looking forward to "Borchiday" and then every year thereafter my "orchiversary."

I really think there was a higher power that interceded on my behalf, directing me to my new doctor. I am blessed. I plan to follow her treatment to the letter. I want this to be successful not just for my sake but for hers and our community's.

I'm anticipating what I have been cautioned about; acting/thinking like a 14 year old girl. I kind of like the idea of going back 64 years in time. If I could somehow bring back the looks.

As for outing myself it has become easier and more fun each time. Today, it was my pharmacist. The pharmacy I use is run by a family. I started using them 22 years ago. After your first visit, every time you go in they will address you by your name. I don't know how they do it but they do.

This has been a great day; thank you Doctor X, you are a blessing.

Best Always, Love

Christine

[Christine]

Hi Folks,                        27 March 2018

This is day one of the medical start of my transition from male to female.

Arrived at my endocrinologist's office about an hour early for my 1200 hrs. appointment. Checked in and took a chair in the waiting area. I had dropped in last Friday to do all the paperwork so that was out of the way.

In about 10 or 15 minutes after arriving they came for me and took me to the exam room. One of the doctors assistants asked me a few questions, the first being how I preferred to be addressed. Extremely courteous and professional. We chatted while she was entering all the data from the forms I filled out Friday.

About five minutes after the assistant left there was a knock at the door; I responded with "come in;' When that door opened the place lit up with a sparkle. Doctor "X" walked in. I immediately knew I had struck gold. She is very petite with long shinny black hair and eyes that smile.

We talked for awhile and then I gave her the bio I had written, which is a very personal document. After she finished reading it I answered a couple questions she had. She then gave me an exam. Since I had a complete physical a couple of months earlier, she didn't need to draw blood or take a urine sample this visit.

She follows WAPATH. We discussed the AA's, which I told her I wanted to avoid. She agreed that they would not be necessary for me since I have been dressing and living as a woman for six years. She explained how she wanted to start HRT and I was in complete agreement. I will only mention her prescription in general terms so as to not provide dosing or the actual medication. She preferred to use Transdermal patches rather than oral or injections.

She spent over an hour with me during which we discussed a lot of things about my personal life, which I did not include in the bio for brevity. As the time passed I knew for certain that she is a blessing.

I asked her if she would be willing to treat other members of our community. She said yes but she can't take anyone else on at the moment. She is the only endocrinologist in this practice. She said she has to assemble a team to help her and once that is done she will tell me that it is ok to give out her name.

They have everything computerized so she entered my prescription and sent it to my favorite Drug store, which I have been using for 22 years.

I applied my first patch at 1600 hrs. CDT Tuesday 27 March 2018. Since I use two patches per week the second will be applied Friday 30 March 2018.

Since I still have my testes, the meds I am taking will work much slower, that is until I've had my orchiectomy.

She said she would write a letter to the surgeon I am seeing on the 9th of April, for my pre-surgical consultation, approving my orchiectomy without delay.

Her office called me today, Thursday 29 March 2018,  wanting to verify the info I provided as to the surgeon and his address.

I am hoping that when I have my pre surgical that they will schedule me for surgery that week. I want "Borchiday" to get here ASAP. That will be the day I'll feel reborn as the woman I have always wanted to be.

Tomorrow I'll change my transdermal patch; It will stay on until next Tuesday. It's a 3 day / 4 day routine. Eight patches come in the box, which cost $70.00. My insurance did not cover any of it. This actually isn't too bad; I can cut back on my monthly junk food consumption and actually have money left over and less fat on my body; I'm a junk food junky. Fortunately, I have three kids,  Arf, Arf, and Big Arf who require five walks per day each; that's 15 walks for me, so I do get a lot of exercise walking them and even more doing other activities like climbing trees (I'm an arborist among other things).  I think I am outing myself here, which is ok.

I may have gotten ahead of myself the other day. I ordered a bra that I thought would be a good starting point. It arrived today and darn if it didn't fit perfectly. It's a sports bra so there are no wires or hooks. It's all nice stretchy material and it even has removable cups. My nipples are exactly where they should be, right in the center of the cups. I slipped a nice T-shirt on just to see how I looked. Not too bad if you don't see my mug. My hands are another issue; aside from being fairly large, they have suffered numerous interactions with machinery, so the fingers do have quite a tattered look to them; it adds character, I have been told. I think I can do without any more character, having more than enough for several people.

I have not felt anything from the HRT I'm on; should I be? It has been just three days and it is low dose. I want the orchiectomy so I can progress at a more enjoyable pace. Once done, how long before I should see boob growth?

Next update when I have something interesting to post. I know this is a long and boring piece; I felt like I needed to "splain" things a bit more than probably necessary. I'll try to keep the updates shorter.

Best Always, Love

Christine

[Christine]

Hi Folks,                                    04 April 2018

I am enjoying outing myself; I no longer have any fear of embarrassment. Almost everyone has been very supportive, with one exception; one neighbor seems to be avoiding me at all cost, which is ok. I'll just fill the slot they occupied with someone nicer, which won't be difficult to do.

Forgot to mention other benefits of HRT and that is I am a lot happier, calmer and sleep better. I am assuming things get even better after an orchi.

I have been on Flomax for several years. in all that time, it has never helped as much as HRT has in 5 days. Something is wrong with the way BHP is being treated. Follow the money for the answer.

Monday, 09 April 2018 is my orchi surgical consultation. I have all the letters I need; my goal is to have my orchiectomy ASAP, which hopefully will happen before the end of the month. The feminization process should accelerate; I'll then look into having my face resurfaced/rebuilt/replaced or whatever it is they do to folks my age. I have spent way too much time in the sun w/o sun block so it is quite weather-beaten.

Advice from a well "seasoned" lady to you young one's:

Stay out of the sun unless you use high SPF sunblock. I was to my dermatologist yesterday having precancerous lesions removed from my face. This is an ongoing process that will continue until the day I am planted. That beautiful tan just isn't worth what it costs down the road. Aside from this, I have already had two skin cancers removed; fortunately, neither was melanoma.

Best Always, Love

Christine

[Christine]

Hi Folks,                           11 April 2018

Today I had my pre-op orchie visit. Borchiday is scheduled for Friday 13 April 2018;  my "Lucky Day." Couldn't have picked a better one.

I know there are a lot of ladies out there that have had an orchie; my thinking is that at some point there will be a noticeable testosterone crash. Is this the "proverbial calm" that settles in or is it something else I can look forward to? This is my one and only "Borchiday" so I want to be prepared to enjoy it and the days following.

Best Always, Love

Christine

[Christine]

Hi Folks,                             11 April 2018

Thank you Donna; I'm happy my transition is happening quickly but I am saddened by what I read here on the Internet about how difficult it is for some folks to get the care and treatment they deserve. I wish you all could come here to the Dallas Fort Worth area to have your treatment.

I had a long talk Wednesday with my primary doctor. I told him about how long it takes for some of you to just see a doctor. He thinks it could be that there aren't enough doctors in your area. He also said that here in this area we have everything you could possibly want in the way of medical care. I am embarrassed that when I have my orchi Friday morning, I will have officially been in transition 5  weeks and one day while you and many others struggle to just see a doctor in a year.

I asked the folks at the surgery center where I will be having mine about this same thing. They said they have people coming from all over the US and the world because folks can't get the care they need at home.

A neighbor lady friend is taking me to the surgery center Friday. I was telling her of your difficulty seeing a doctor. She told me about her sister in Pennsylvania that needed an OBGYN Oncologist. There isn't one in the area where she lives. Periodically, an OBGYN Oncologist comes up from Atlanta to help out.

I'm here in my big bubble where everything is fine and I think it's fine everywhere else. I get on the Internet and I'm finding things aren't fine everywhere else. I don't know what the answer is but there has to be one somewhere.

I wish I had that answer. Thanks again Donna.

Best Always, Love

Christine

[Christine]

Hi Folks,                13 April 2018

Borchiday Today

All went well; I arrived home a couple of hours ago and a couple of ounces lighter.

Best Always, Love

Christine

[Christine]

Hi Folks,                            14 April 2018

I had no idea this could happen in such a short time. I didn't have to pay someone to facilitate things. I went to my counselor for two sessions and had my first letter. Then it was to my primary care physician where I outed myself and asked him to refer me to an endocrinologist, which he did. The referral was sent to a woman doctor who is in a practice with a male doctor. The male doctor took the referral w/o the doctor it was sent to ever seeing it. This guy looked at it and told the staff he didn't see any need.

I decided I wasn't going to waste my time with him so I started searching the net for a female endocrinologist in the Dallas/Fort Worth area (I live on the Fort Worth side of the DFW Metroplex). I found one relatively close to home so I called. The receptionist told me she had moved on and wanted to know if I wanted her number. Something told me to ask if they had anyone there that treated transgender folks. She asked me to wait while she checked. She came back and said they have a new doctor there that said she didn't have a lot of experience with transgender people but if I would let her she would take care of me. At that moment I knew I had found a doctor that was what I was looking for. She was candid in her response. I agreed and they made me an appointment for Tuesday 27 March 18. This was Friday 23 March, only four days between the call and appointment.

When I was in the exam room I heard a knock on the door; when she walked into the room I knew I had struck gold; it was like fireworks going off when she came in. She spent over an hour with me checking me over, talking and getting to know each other. She has 21 years experience as an endocrinologist, She had recently attended a seminar on Transgender Health Care. She said she is putting a team together so she can treat members of our community. At the moment, she is the only endocrinologist in this medical center.

If you ever get to meet her you can not help but like her; she is everything one could wish for in a doctor and so are the members of her staff.

I left that day with her having sent my prescription for Estradiol to my pharmacy. I can't describe how happy I was as I left her office and headed for my favorite "Drug Dealer;" who I have been with since 1996. Of course this outed me to them, which was fine and actually fun.

Now that I had the patches I made an appointment with the surgery center to have a consultation with the surgeon that would do my orchiectomy. When I made the appointment it was around the 28th of March, give or take a day. They made me an appointment for Monday 09 April 18. I had to get one additional letter from a counselor and some blood work and an EKG. Got that taken care of and had my Surgical Consultation Monday 09 April, pre-op Wednesday 11 April and Surgery yesterday Friday the 13th. Went back for my post op checkup today Saturday 14 April, and here I am. Someone has been looking out for me and I know who it is; the "Big Guy Upstairs."

I'm not some rich gal, just an old retiree on SS; nobody special. I am grateful to everyone that has helped me arrive at this point.

As soon as my Endocrinologist gives me the word I will make her name, address and phone number public.

Best Always, Love

Christine

[Christine]

Hi Folks,            14 April 2018

I was told that it's possible to have the VA provide some of the transition meds I will need for my transition. I didn't realize this was possible; it could save one a fair amount of money.

I do get a few things from them, hearing aids, eyeglasses and some meds. The last time I was at the VA for my annual physical, I asked the doctor for Testosterone patches. I did that so I could see his reaction, which was: "We won't give you those; they cause cancer." I knew I was onto something.

I've had a suspicion that the main cause of prostate cancer is Testosterone. I have searched the Internet and found enough evidence to make me believe this to be true. I provided this info to my primary and urologist. Both agree it is the main culprit; genes also play a roll. PC needs "T" to grow; an orchi is PM (preventative maintenance) against PC.

Best Always, Love

Christine

[Christine]

Hi Folks,                    15 April 2018

I lived a lie for 48 years, I cross dressed in private; when not CDing I always wore women's underwear. When I was a kid I wanted to be a girl, when I passed puberty I wanted to be a woman.

I'd also wanted to be a Bald Eagle; I have the bald part down pat, it's the wings that would be a problem.

Back then it was difficult to do. Now I'm a woman and there's no going back. I doubt I will ever be able to pass without surgery that would bankrupt the country. I'll do some but I'll never be able to wear a short dress, my legs are knock kneed and don't look feminine.

Slacks and jeans are fine; I have been wearing them for several years and it hasn't been a problem. If I don't pass, so what.

It's our right to be happy and we have no obligation to live the way someone else thinks we should just because they don't approve.

Best Always, Love

Christine

[Christine]

Hi Folks,                       15 April 2019

For what it's worth, my procedure was an inguinal bilateral radical orchiectomy using general anesthesia (Propofol and Fentanyl only, no Benzos). The cost, $3,225.00 with a military discount.

That was for everything, surgeon, anesthesiologist, operating room, and all the other things like Pre-op and 2 post ops. I had to pay up-front as my Ins. would not pay for it or my meds. With GoodRx.com the Estradiol should cost about $40.00 for a 4 week supply of 8 patches, Cutting out some of my junk food will take care of that and will be healthier.

The term Radical sounds scary; all it means is they remove the complete spermatic cord rather than leaving part of it dangling into the scrotum as is done with the Simple Orchiectomy. In my opinion the Bilateral Inguinal is the least invasive and heals the quickest, which is why I chose it. It's also the only Orchie they do at the place I went.

I still feel the same as I did before the surgery except that I am happier. There's a minor amount of discomfort and discoloration; Willy has the look of a barber pole and the scrotum is obviously missing something; in place of the missing items, I am sure there is a slight accumulation of blood and/or other bodily fluids, which is normal. It's not a whole lot, just enough to let me know something happened.

I would think that at some point my "T" will crater and I'll feel something as the Estradiol becomes dominant. I have no idea how long it takes to exhaust the remaining "T."

I asked the doctor if I could go horseback riding when I returned home; he said wait two months. Today, I know he gave me good advice.

The Doctor that performed my surgery is Dr. Peter Raphael MD in Plano, Texas, just north of Dallas.  They do a lot of TG care and I can vouch for the fact that they are as nice of a group of health care folks as I have ever had the pleasure of helping me get where I wanted to be.

I get nothing for referrals, which I only give if they are great. They have the American Institute for Plastic Surgery, International Center for Transgender Care and Surgery Center of Texas; all are located in the same large building. It's all first class so if you are interested, google them, you'll get multiple hits as they have a lot going on. There are at least four surgeons on staff.

Best Always, Love

Christine

[Christine]

Hi mis amiga,           16 Apr 2018

Congratulations and best of luck. I'm glad your wife is onboard 100%. You have every right to be happy; no one has a right to deny you that. Thank you for posting on this thread, I really appreciate your post and hope you come back and keep in touch; I'd like to follow you on your path to happiness. I believe having your wife on board is the biggest and best asset you could have; you both can share the joy of your transition. It'll be a team effort.

I think your children will surprise you with how accepting they will be. You are ten years younger than me; some members of my generation have a difficult time accepting anything outside their frame of reference; the younger generations are not so hung up on folks who are different from themselves.

If my folks were still alive, they would disown me, which I would readily accept. To their credit, they provided me with food, clothing, a decent house to occupy, lots of toys and junk. To their discredit, they did NOT provide a home.

I divorced my first wife 43 years ago; I have had to live with that decision ever since; it's my private hell.

She passed away a few years ago; before she did I was able to talk with her and apologize for what I did. She accepted my apology and forgave me, but I haven't forgiven myself and never will. She was the best thing that ever happened to me at that point in my life, and I threw it all away. I continually lied to myself about why I walked out on her to try and make myself feel good and try to excuse myself. Eventually, I had to stop the lying, it made me the biggest fraud on Space Ship Earth. I hated myself and there was nothing I could do to rectify or justify what I did.

Shortly after we were married, I started wearing women's panties and some clothing with her blessing. She liked my doing so and would buy things for me. She liked to put makeup on me and see how nice she could make me look as a woman. We had fun; then I started cheating, which is a long sordid story.

I always knew there was something wrong with me, just not what, and I'm not referring to crossdressing. It wasn't until I was 47, twice divorced, that I found out. My parents were alcoholics and our family was completely dysfunctional in all respects. On top of that they sent me to a parochial school, which further screwed me up. Nine years of that horse hockey and I got myself kicked out. By then I was so messed up I found it difficult to have a relationship with anyone other than my close buddies. I had to find people that were as screwy as I was.

In 1987 one of my best friends confided that he didn't realize how screwed up he was until his wife had to call 911 on him. His folks were also alcoholics. It turned out that all five of us guys that grew up together and have remained friends had alcoholic parents. I guess that is what bound us together without knowing the real reason we became friends.

Even after our divorce I kept wearing women's panties and whatever else I could get away with. About 6 years ago I realized I was wearing almost 100% women's clothing; slacks, jeans, tops, socks, sneakers, shorts, tank tops, panties and everything in between. I did not try to wear a dress as I would have failed miserably. So I just started living as a woman and didn't bother to tell anyone and no one ever questioned me. I did receive a lot of compliments on my selection of clothing. Sometimes I think you can do just about anything and no one will notice; everyone's too busy with their own stuff.

I don't remember the exact date, though it was close to the first week in March that I decided to see a counselor to find out if I had lose screws, was gay, or whatever. At the end of my first session she flat told me I wasn't gay and that I was a transgender woman and that I like women. Went home and thought about it and came to the conclusion she was right. Fortunately, I had been doing some research on another subject that led me to two Web sites. I started reading everything I could and had an inkling there was more to me than just being crazy.

Two sessions and I had my first letter; started outing myself to my doctors, friends and just about anyone that would listen to me. It even became fun. I started looking for an endocrinologist and found one, after first encountering a real jerk endo, a male. I located the nicest lady endocrinologist I could have hoped for. I called on the 23rd of March and had an appointment for the 27th, four days after I called. She started me on HRT sans AA's that day. In the interim I saw one more counselor and got a second letter, went to my primary doctor and asked him to write a letter, which he did.

I made an appointment with the surgeon that was recommended to me by my first counselor for Monday 09 April 18. Met with him and some of his staff. They made me an appointment for a pre-op visit on Wednesday 11 April 18 and an appointment for Friday the 13th for my orchiectomy. I think I spent 6 weeks getting to the surgery from the time I officially started pursuing my transition. I had what I call my Borchieday this past Friday and am as happy as I can be. I had no reservations about having this done; its irreversible and I am glad those nasty things can never cause me to do stupid testosterone fueled macho crap again. Since I've been on HRT, 4 weeks tomorrow, I have been much happier, more relaxed, sleep better, and able to pee better than I have in 20 years. 

I don't know how far I'll go with the transition. I have been thinking about the cosmetic VJ because I don't see me ever being with a cismale so why would I need a vagina; just something extra to maintain. I'm not against full SRS, except for me. I whole heartedly support everyone else's decision to seek it.

This ended up being longer than I had planned; your post triggered something in me to start talking (typing) and that's an interest in you and your wife's journey. I hope to read about it and hope you both find great happiness and long lives together. Don't worry about what others think and say; you're not hurting them so they have no right to say anything negative.

Best Always, Love

Christine

[Christine]

Hi Folks,           18 Apr 2018

Being a bit older I was born before the US became directly involved in WW II. I had lots of fun in those early years though they didn't involve fun with my family, it was my playmates. One of them was a girl a bit older than me, don't remember exactly the difference; I was about 5 and she may have been 7 or so. She liked to play doctor so she would have me go with her into her parents garage. I was the doctor and she was the patient. I got to see a lot of her anatomy at an early age and loved it. I envied her VJ as it didn't have those goofy dangly things. I still remember her name, how the heck could I forget her when she provided me my first, sort of, sexual experience. Unfortunately I didn't know what I was doing, all I knew is I liked it, liked her, and liked girls and wanted to be one. And now here I be, 73 years later.

Don't think I'll try to find her, she still might want to play doctor, and I'm not up to it these days.

One of the good things in life is the ability to remember the good times; we can live them over and over. Fortunately, we also have the ability to shove most of the bad times into the dust bin of history.

Best Always, Love

Christine

[Christine]

Hi Folks,               18 Apr 18

It's five days past "Borchiday," everything is healing well. Still some  bruising though it seems to be dwindling. The scrotum is shrinking, the penis kind of looks like a vandalized barber-pole. The two small incisions are almost completely healed. It also appears that my penis is shrinking as well. As far as I'm concerned I hope it does shrink as all it is used for is a water spout; when I go I sit like I should.

In one of my early posts I said I hoped I could have my orchi by the end of the month (April). It happened the 13th so I beat my wish by 2 weeks. I'm not bragging, I'm hoping something can be done to make it possible for everyone to transition as quickly as they feel comfortable doing. I did run into a doctor that tried to throw a roadblock in my path. I went around him and found someone that gave me an appointment 4 days after calling. She started me on HRT the day I saw her, wrote a letter to the surgeon and the rest is history. If I could have this happen then everyone of you deserve the same treatment.

I am seeing my endocrinologist on the 30th; hopefully, she will have good news on the team she is creating to help the TG community. I do know she is actively searching for another endocrinologist for her team. I'll keep you updated on this thread when I have new news.

Best Always, Love

Christine

[Christine]

Hi Folks,             19 Apr 2018

I wish I knew what the answer is to the disparity in medical care for our community across the country. I am sure of one thing, if you could get here to the Dallas Fort Worth area, you would have easy access to doctors, counselors and surgeons.

I talked to the doctor in Southfield Michigan, he charges $4000.00 for the type orchi I had but done under local anesthesia. If you want general anesthesia that has to be done at a surgery center and you have to pay for it on top of the Doctor's charges. I had thought about going there but when I put a pencil to it, the cost was absurd. I would have had air fare, hotel, taxi, boarding for my pups. My guess is that it would have cost me over $6000.00 or more if I had gone to Michigan.

I asked the surgeon I had to do it with local anesthesia; he said you really don't want to do that. They cannot numb everything, they are pulling and tugging on things that would hurt more than most people could tolerate. The best way I can describe what he said it would feel like would be similar to what it felt like when we got hit in the gonads when we were young.

I hope I'll have good news when I come back from my endo check up on the 30th.

Best Always, Love

Christine