What is it really like...❤️

[zirconia]

I have a question for all the post-ops here...

As I mentioned on the Transgender Sexual Orientation Difference by Age of Transition tread, I was asexual because I thought I couldn't be a girl. Now that I know it's possible and am on hormones things feel completely different...

A lovely lady in my neighborhood who realized what was happening and promptly declared herself my elder sister has given me a good primer on what to expect from a normal girl's point of view. But she can obviously give me no advice on how some things work when you've become one thanks to the wonders of medicine...

So...

How do you find heterosexual relationships with men? How does it make you feel?

I know I melt when just touched by someone I really like... but it obviously must get better. How would you describe it?

Do you have to prepare? Like dilate, or use lube beforehand?

If so... how do you manage it? Like make an excuse to run to the bathroom...? Or something else?  If so, what do you say?

How about if you are in a car, or camping, or... just on a picnic in the woods?

Also... I know no-one probably has had multiple types...LOL... but how is it different if you have CVP or PPV?

I hope to have my surgery this year... and thank you all in advance for any information and advice you can give to a fledgeling girl...

[Dena]

The relationship part, I will have to leave to others. Depending on the surgery you have, you might not need to use lube. If you do, you just explain your a little dry down there and it helps make it more enjoyable for you. Normal couples sometime make the lube a part of the foreplay. To do so, the woman might apply the lube to the males penis.

If your partner doesn't know your past, it makes things a little more difficult. Once the doctor gives you the OK for sex, you will probably need to dilate a few hours before sex. When you reach a year or more, you will find a dilation will go far longer. I am at the point where I go a week between dilation and if I were sexual, I could probably have sex anytime during the week though insertion might be a little slow. Also if your having sex regularly, you might find there is no need to dilate.

This depends on how your body responds to surgery and how well you maintain your dilation schedule is the early stages. Most people things work out well but a few have problems maintaining the surgical results. Play close attention to your body and make sure it gets what it needs to heal properly.

[Iztaccihuatl]

As others said before, there are lots of cis women out there who need lube, especially if they are in or post menopause. If you are in that age bracket you can blame it on menopause and he'll understand.


For practical matters, you could keep the lube next to the condoms. While he is busy putting on the condom, you can apply the lube and he wouldn't even notice.


And if you know him well enough that you don't need condoms, he certainly wouldn't mind a quick break for you to apply the lube.

[MadameDuFromage]

Girls use things that require lube too.



And they're really fun

[MadameDuFromage]

They're often called "dental dams" in the USA.  It's more or less a sheet of plastic or latex that you slap on to your partner before you take your tongue to them.

[Iztaccihuatl]

This is a bad habit!  But you need to work on the reason for this, and start to eliminate this habit.  If you create open wounds, you can get all kinds of problems, even when intaking different foods!  Some of the sugar of your Sachertorte can sit in there, and becoming a nice breeding ground for all kinds of bacteria!

Hugs
Linde

Whoa, whoa, don’t give my Sachertorte a bad rep here!


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Iztaccihuatl]

We can't let that happen...
I only had Dragee Keksi today

https://youtu.be/2rV7ZczsDGY

Thanks for posting that!


For the Dragee Keksi I still have to wait 2 more weeks, my wife is currently in Vienna and she will bring me a few bags when she comes back!

[Iztaccihuatl]

@Thessa,


I just realized between the three of us we have an unstoppable capacity of turning any topic into talking about food!


@zirconia,


Sorry for hijacking your thread, I hereby step aside and let you have your thread back.

[zirconia]

Hmmm... Anyway...❤️

Thank you, Dena.

It's nice to know that lube may not be necessary... and that good early stage maintenance will help dilation become less necessary with time.

Frankly... my body has begun to respond to stimuli I never used to think as even remotely interesting. Strongly.
As in even proximity of some people—men, that is—is distracting, to the extent that it sometimes can feel hard to breathe.

So—once I'm made whole it is pretty realistic to think not everyone I'll be with will know my past. Which really partly motivates my questions...


Katie...

Thank you. I must not be easy to be open about things like this, and I do appreciate your candidness. If I may, did your wife use lubrication from the very first? But—please don't say anything you think she herself might not feel OK with.


Iztaccihuatl,

Thank you for sharing your experience. Do you keep the lube and condoms with you, like in a handbag? Were you confident enough to use it in his presence from the beginning, or did you hide it at first? If the latter, I really would like to know what worked and what didn't...


Linde,

I thought you were pre-op? But... I'm glad you enjoy being with girls either way. I guess life would have been much easier had I also not been born transsexual...


Madame,

I guess using "things" for fun is another thing I can't do quite yet(*⁰▿⁰*). And no matter how I think of it, it's really men that make my brain stop functioning...٩( ᐛ )و

Once you gain experience, do both give the same feeling?

Normally I don't need lube due to sufficient self lubrication and only condoms if I don't know the person well enough.

Thessa!

Thank you... that does gives me hope. Which type of surgery did you get? I really would love to also not have to rely on anything artificial...


The thing is, someone who has given me a taste of how things may be has also told me of his experiences and preferences... and that he really likes it when girls are ready... so this is not exactly just theoretical.

Also, my new "elder sister" Ù©( ᐛ )Ùˆ says what I now feel will get deeper, more overpowering  and wonderful as I learn to relax and expect it... *\(^o^)/*
Has this also been your experience?

I do know even that even after just the slight taste my back and lower belly kept twitching even in the morning.
And that when I was in his hands I felt completely helpless, and safe, and uncontrollably euphoric.
And that although I knew I could regain control if I wanted, all I did want was to let my body respond to his touch...

Is this really just the beginning—and if so, how deep does the feeling really get?

I'd really appreciate any additional input/advice those of you who already are there may feel comfortable giving...

I also do need to select a surgery method soon. I've heard a lot of good things about PPV recently—but would have to pay for it myself. Would someone be willing to recount her personal experience with it or CVP?

[MadameDuFromage]

The same feeling?  Not for me.  Orgasms are more intense and the feeling of penetration is far more pleasurable than taking matters into my own hand previously.

[zirconia]

The same feeling?  Not for me.  Orgasms are more intense and the feeling of penetration is far more pleasurable than taking matters into my own hand previously.

I meant do you find both men and ...things just as pleasurable?

[MadameDuFromage]

I meant do you find both men and ...things just as pleasurable?

I haven't had a guy since SRS (not that I don't like guys, I just have a great girlfriend) so I can't precisely comment on that.  But I imagine a guy that is good in bed would be way better now.  Girls have tools, and let's just say that they're way better now than before and I imagine a guy who knows what he's doing would be absolutely amazing.

[zirconia]

Hi Linde... thank you for your reply.

Hm. Paperwork... yes. I guess that while it would make some things easier, it would also feel very... strange to have markings that don't match my body. If I do end up paying for the surgery abroad myself I guess it's wise to change the documents beforehand. But it definitely won't alleviate the weirdness factor.

Anyway, it's really the physical needs of my body I'm writing about, and everyone's experiences/advice regarding men... And surgery...

I guess being on hormones really has made it all much more intense. Or maybe the knowledge that I will be whole in the not too distant future.


Madame,

If I understood you correctly, tools now feel way better than before SRS, and a guy good in bed would now be way better than a girl—but you've not tried because your girlfriend is great in other ways?

It's a bit different for me, I guess... I never had real interest in women except as friends, but still ended up letting myself into a situation where I'd have to hurt someone or never live. After a struggle I had to choose life. And that was more painful than anything I've ever known.

Since then these feelings have grown stronger and at times so acute that I really need to watch myself. I do know my borders, and that I must keep them intact. And also that there really can be no release until I am made whole.

[Iztaccihuatl]

Iztaccihuatl,

Thank you for sharing your experience. Do you keep the lube and condoms with you, like in a handbag? Were you confident enough to use it in his presence from the beginning, or did you hide it at first? If the latter, I really would like to know what worked and what didn't...

zirconia,


You are giving me way too much credit here. For starters, I am pre-everything. And I am married and I take my wedding vows seriously. So there is no prospect of being with a man in the near or far future. I was merely explaining what would seem practical to me.


(Just between you and me, it did feel good that you thought of me as an experienced lady, so thanks for that!)


Now, continuing with Heide's ideas of what would happen if she was with a man: Yes, if I was preparing for a romantic date night out and I thought that a condom would be needed later that night, I'd pack the condom and the lube in my handbag. And if he is coming to your place, you could keep both things in the top drawer of your night stand. (I hope you make it to bed and don't get stuck being too busy on the couch...)


Assuming that the man you are dating is not a total jerk who only wants to stick his thingy into some vagina, push back and forth as powerfully and quickly as possible, ejaculate and being done, but that he rather is a gentle man who truly enjoys your company and savors each moment of intimacy with you, then the piece de resistance, the actual penetrative sex is just a small but important part of the whole adventure and he shouldn't mind a quick 15 seconds break for the condom & lube.


Not sure about your age, but men in my age bracket might have erectile issues and are taking Viagra or Cialis or whatever, so they should be understanding and accommodating of some dryness issues that women are having. Just tell him you are a little bit dry and want to apply some lube (and give him a little kiss) as if it was the most natural thing in the world and you should be good. And keep in mind that applying lube can be done much faster than putting on a condom.


Also, many women prefer to go to the bathroom to 'freshen up a little' before getting intimate with a man. Chances are good that your lover has heard that before. That would be an opportunity for you to apply lube before getting intimate if you prefer it this way.


One final thought: I cringed a little bit when you mentioned that 'he likes it when girls are ready'. That puts the onus completely on us women (as usual). Who says that he is always ready? He might be ready at the wrong moment and when the time is right, his tent pole might have given in. And where is the fun in the relationship if both are just ready, do it and then are just done? Maybe I am a helpless romantic, but there is so much more to it and the path to getting ready should be as enjoyable for either partner as the act itself. Or is this my feminist side coming through?


Hope that helps, even though it is from an inexperienced source.


Hugs,


Heidemarie

[MadameDuFromage]

Madame,

If I understood you correctly, tools now feel way better than before SRS, and a guy good in bed would now be way better than a girl—but you've not tried because your girlfriend is great in other ways?

Not exactly.  I more or less meant that sex in general is way better, so being with a guy should be way more enjoyable than before.  Penetrative sex in general just feels great.

[zirconia]

I was merely explaining what would seem practical to me.
(Just between you and me, it did feel good that you thought of me as an experienced lady, so thanks for that!)

Heidemarie,

OK—you're welcome
I guess what you're describing is basically an imaginary scenario, then... (/ _ ; )

One final thought: I cringed a little bit when you mentioned that 'he likes it when girls are ready'.

LOL... it didn't make me cringe at all. I want to be ready... so there's absolutely no "onus" involved. And I was very happy that he was so open to me about his likes, dislikes and whatnot... to me it's merely an indication of trust and affection. Both of which I value very highly.

The thing is... all the data regarding natural lubrication after surgery looks basically so much like the ultimate your milage may vary thing that I wanted to hear the experiences of everyone who has actual experience with men... because that's my need. And I definitely wouldn't ever want to break the mood if there's a way not to...


Madame,

Thanks for the correction. I'm glad to hear that surgery makes sex feel better—and very much look forward to finding out what having a man both hold and fill me will be like...٩( ᐛ )و


Thessa,

The links you provide seem to suggest your surgeon combines penile and scrotal skin and the urethra to line the neovagina? That's interesting... I've heard the urethral mucosa does help provide lubrication...  but wasn't aware it alone might provide enough for penetration. I guess it's worth looking into deeper...

Before E an orgasm was way more focused on a specific area now it's a whole bodily feeling and it's aftermath is lasting much longer.
I would call it an afterglow that I never experienced in the past. I never had weak knees in the past like I have them now.

Your description sounds wonderfully like what just being held and touched made me feel like until the next day.
I'm glad to hear it will only get better... ٩(๑❛ᴗ❛๑)۶

And I do very much want to make him feel wonderfully good as well... ＼＼\\٩( 'ω' )و //／／

[Iztaccihuatl]

LOL... it didn't make me cringe at all. I want to be ready... so there's absolutely no "onus" involved. And I was very happy that he was so open to me about his likes, dislikes and whatnot... to me it's merely an indication of trust and affection. Both of which I value very highly.

I fully understand that and there is nothing wrong in you or any woman wanting to be ready, we all do.


What made me cringe was a bit of implied expectations that men expect women to be ready (some might even get upset if we aren't ready when they are), but what about the other way round? If he isn't ready when we want to there is no such expectation and if he isn't ready often it is us women thinking: what did I do wrong? While as if she isn't ready, would he think to himself: what did I do wrong? Probably not.

[zirconia]

Heidemarie,

What made me cringe was a bit of implied expectations that men expect women to be ready

I'm sorry if this sounds harsh, but he isn't men. He is a man. And a lovely one. One whom you know nothing about.
And liking something is not demanding or expecting it, nor did his words, actions or expressions imply anything to the contrary.

I guess I should perhaps be more circumspect regarding what I disclose. I've been uncharacteristically open on this thread, and that may have been a mistake. Oh well... I'll think about it later... I really need to go now...

[Complete]

Prior to 1984, l had been very happy with my original PI SRS, using it regularly and often. Because l was engaged in frequent intercourse with young vigorous men, l had no issues with dilation or lube. I then was married for another ten years and continued enjoying frequent and issue free sex.
After my divorce, I was not active for about a year and subsequently encountered difficulty accommodating my 2nd husband who was quite large.
In 1984 l was fortunate to find a Dr experienced in the CVP technique and have since experienced continuing issue free sex with zero need for ANY lube or dilation.
Personally find comments based on personal fantasy and/or hearsay or supposition, to be distracting and a waste of time.
The real advantage l see in having a vaginal canal constructed from epethelial tissue is the opportunity for normal, naturay spontaneous response to amorous men.
Please accept my sincere apologies for any UNINTENDED hurtfulness.

[MadameDuFromage]

Skin is made up of epithelial cells.