Author Topic: I must be lacking in drama? (TL:DR)  (Read 527 times)

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Offline Elisabeth

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I must be lacking in drama? (TL:DR)
« on: May 15, 2020, 11:04:05 PM »
Holy crap! Maybe I'm not lacking in drama but I certainly must be a glutton for punishment or self-inflicted mental abuse?

Why else would I sign up for another trans forum? I simply must be out of my mind or the lockdown and isolation from the COVID-19 fiasco has somehow damaged the remaining miniscule part of my brain that knows how to make smart decisions? Maybe it’s just the beer, whiskey, weed and lack of good judgment but I’m going to make another stab at this forum thing and see how long I last this time?

Most here already know me from other places as Lisa_K or more recently and briefly as Elisabeth_K. I was at Susie’s a year or two and kept running into brick walls and lovely chats with the staff and I became so fond of the experience of nonsense, I stopped posting for well over a year.

Probably out of the lunacy of spending 34 days alone in my house by myself and not even seeing another living breathing human being and having a nagging feeling that maintaining some kind of contact with the outside world be another super swell idea, I popped into the Suzsphere and posted a few of my ever so appreciated comments, hit the brick wall doing about 90 and promptly was permanently and forever banned. Thank the lard for small favors.

So my friend Jess T., another Susie casualty, tells me about transrefuse. Out of some morbid sense of curiosity and a perverse desire for self-flagellation, I took a look and saw a lot of familiar faces and a lot of the same nonsense. I saw Complete had posted a few things she would never have gotten away with at the Suzefest and thought maybe this joint ain’t so bad? Complete and I go back a couple years and share a lot of the same attitudes and perspectives and tend to be a bit, ahem, outspoken which is no surprise considering we’re both positively Jurassic with few filters so I hit the register button.

I briefly picked up on the schmozzle and accusations of what Dena and Christine supposedly did. Dena? We kind of know each other, heck we live on other sides of the same town and I didn’t think she would do something to heinous so I figured there was just some kind of catfight going on and overlooked the drama. Thinking this was more of a community where independent thought not bogged down with trans rhetoric and dogma might be less sanctioned, I made a post or two before it becoming readily apparent I was dealing with some of the same personalities, mindsets and nonsensical views many trans people take as gospel. Recognizing I was probably going to end up not playing nice, I politely excused myself from the forum and asked that my account be deleted. Whew! I felt lucky to be out alive and free and had survived my brush with the dark side!

Then good ol’ Complete emailed and linked me to this here place and I took a look around. I got perspective from the other side of the who did what when debacle but saw there were only about 16 registered members. I’ve run a forum before for a couple of years and know how building membership can be a challenge so I decided to bless all you fine folks here with my adorably warm presence and charming personality. Yay me!  8)

I’ve really gotten crotchety in my old age or maybe it’s just the onset of dementia or maybe just the feeling that being of a certain age and experience grants one privilege to say what one damn well pleases but like Complete, I have some perspectives and observations that a few may find to be out of the mainstream approved narrative of acceptable and popular trans ideology and I think both her and I think exposing others to things beyond the programmed groupthink to be a good thing. Out of favor views and opinions beyond the narrative are quickly cancelled these days and debate and discussion is commonly suppressed when it falls outside the box or is deemed controversial and triggering to those with thin skin sheltering from the harsh realities of the big old, mean cruel world.

The online trans communities I have encountered are particularly guilty of this type of controlling the narrative in the name of inclusivity and conformity resulting in a subsequent echo chamber of back patting, blowing smoke up people’s arses and virtue signaling where walking on tippy toes as not to rock the apple cart or offend anyone’s delicate sensibilities is the norm but life isn’t always flowers and rainbows and sometimes having a person’s bubble burst is the best thing that could ever happen to them.

I’m not talking about being mean or rude to anyone unless they’ve really got it coming. Within civil discussion and discourse, there’s really no reason for that but what I’m a advocate for is getting people to think critically which by nature involves exposure to opinions and views often contrary to one’s prevailing mindset or paradigm.

For me, that means having as much information, knowledge and differing views, opinions and perspectives from as many angles as possible in order to formulate my own views and opinions even if I’m challenged by them and it’s hard for me not to think others might work the same way? Echo chambers are not good nurseries for independent thought however, for those that are comfortable and safe without thinking on their own, they can be a bias confirming respite.

Would you prefer your significant other to tell you that yes, that outfit does make your butt look big or tell you a fib that everything is perfect to not hurt your feelings? At least if they tell you the truth, it gives you the option of changing into something else after you have finished punching them in the nose.

What I hope to bring to this board is discussion of and around the unique ideas and feelings from the point of view of someone trans but outside of the trans community for well over fifty years who is not completely indoctrinated by the propaganda of  modern trans ideology while trying not to be a total jackass in the process. Wish me luck in that endeavor.

Oh wait! This was supposed to be an intro? Damn! Off to a good start!

Here goes for those that haven’t had the misfortune of knowing me before:

I was a very atypical gender inverted child that understood myself to be a girl in spite of the obvious and did everything I could so that others understood me in the same way and some like my parents and grandparents fortunately did. My school years were sh!t. By 12, people could not tell if I was a boy or a girl. At 15, I was living as a girl publicly but still known as a very peculiar boy to stay in school. That was a lot of fun. I started HRT at 17 before my senior year of high school and immediately after graduating in 1973, was never seen or known as a boy again.

I had SRS 43 years ago when I was 22. I got married at 30 and divorced twelve years later. My ex-husband is still in my life with him and his wife like family to me. I’ve had several long term relationships since that time but have been single for the last twelve years or so but wouldn’t mind that changing.

I’m self-employed, semi-retired and work from home. Before the crud hit, my entire social life centered around a small neighborhood sports bar and grill with an environment like on the show Cheers where everybody knows your name. I miss my friends and miss doing it up on Friday and Saturday night and going out to have fun and can’t wait to get back to it and my normal crazy and boring life.

Okay, I left a few things out but you get the gist of it.

Hope to see how it goes here?
--Elisabeth

PS
That is my first name in real life and I appreciate not being called Liz because there is no “z” in the way my mom wanted it spelled.

Offline Dena

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Re: I must be lacking in drama? (TL:DR)
« Reply #1 on: May 15, 2020, 11:37:02 PM »
Welcome to TransHaven. We seem to be gathering quite a crowd but I do have an ulterior motive for wanting you here. As you can see my staff is a little on the thin site. No, I am not going to draft you but your advice and thoughts will help many understand that there is a future for them. After living so many years post surgical, we have learned from life that there are many truths that should be explored. I want the site to be reasonably open to ideas and if you want to go deep into a subject, we have a controversial topic area. Rather than ban people when topics get hot, I may just move the topic to the controversial area and let the discussion continue.

I lived with Susan's rules for many years and I found one basic idea, no personal attacks. As long as you keep that in mind, I don't think you will have any problems here.

I have to admit that I didn't realize it was you when you joined the site. Part of it is we haven't had contact in close to 9 months and the name change completely threw me. Now I know who you are, I hope you can find a home here with the rest of us expatriates. We may not be many but I think we are accumulating the cream of the crop. If what I think will happen happens, we may find plenty of people looking for a new home and we will have the experienced people to help them.

Welcome to the team.
Email contact through dena@transhaven.org

Offline Elisabeth

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Re: I must be lacking in drama? (TL:DR)
« Reply #2 on: May 16, 2020, 12:39:39 AM »
Thanks, Dena.

I'll try to get along and do what I can and pinch myself from time to time as a reminder to play nice with the other kids!

I appreciate your efforts for putting this gig together and wish you the best for future success.

--Elisabeth

PS
I owned, admined and heavily modded a vBulletin forum for 3 years by myself with several hundred members. Might start playing with SMF in case the draft board should get desperate enough call my number somewhere down the line.  ::)

Offline Christine

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Re: I must be lacking in drama? (TL:DR)
« Reply #3 on: May 16, 2020, 01:10:45 AM »
Hi @Elisabeth,                          16 May 2020

Welcome to Your New Site.

I sure got a bunch of chuckles from your post. You don't have to worry, we are low key on moderation. Our main rule is we do not bash each other. When it comes to Katie, Linde and Katie's staff, bash all you want; we put up with more crap from them than most realize. We are no longer putting up with their BS. If they persist in their errant ways, I'll start posting their dirty laundry.

Thank You for coming to Trans Haven, Dena and I are here to facilitate the site and help members. This site is not about us, it's about, and belongs, to You and all the members.

May the Good Lord Bless you and your family.

Best Always, Love and thanks for the laughs,

Christine
Worrying Never Makes It Better.
Contact:
Christine@transhaven.org

Offline Maddie

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Re: I must be lacking in drama? (TL:DR)
« Reply #4 on: May 16, 2020, 07:00:46 AM »
Welcome Elisabeth.
I have a cousin who spells her name as you do.
I'm happy for you and your longtime ex that you are still in each other's lives. Just feels right when human relationships don't have to end with permanently burnt bridges.
May places like your sports bar and grill will be safe again.
Hoping sometime this year..
Head up moving forward

Offline Kiera

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Re: I must be lacking in drama? (TL:DR)
« Reply #5 on: May 16, 2020, 11:09:37 AM »
Welcome from me as well Elisabeth!

      22 yr-old daughter spells it "Elizabeth" and, obviously liking the name, I'll try to keep yours right lest someone 'round here should BITE!

Cheers Your
Friendly Coward @ Heart,

Kiera

Offline MaryT

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Re: I must be lacking in drama? (TL:DR)
« Reply #6 on: May 16, 2020, 12:04:56 PM »
Hi, I'll add my welcome.  I often disagree with you but I recognise your intelligence and wealth of experience, and two of your brownie points at Dev's Place were from me.  In fact, your reputation points to number of posts ratio there was extraordinarily high, so some members must have appreciated you. 

Offline Elisabeth

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Re: I must be lacking in drama? (TL:DR)
« Reply #7 on: May 16, 2020, 02:44:50 PM »
Welcome Elisabeth.
I have a cousin who spells her name as you do.

Thank you, Maddie!

Being a kid living at home with my parents when time came to stop using my boy name, my mom had a lot of input on what my girl name was to be. I had put my folks through unimaginable crap for years and when they did do something supportive and understanding I generally went along with whatever being as cooperative as I could to take advantage of whatever advancements I could make.

Had I been born female, my mom would have named me Elizabeth Diane so I just went with that. Being somewhat of an Anglophile who was very good at doing several British accents for fun, she’s the one that decided to replace the z with an s thinking it was more continental or something?

After using Elisabeth for fifty years, I’ve often humorously wondered if she did this as a way of getting her little digs in or as a subtle cruel trick because I’ve had to spell it for people and have had it misspelled for my whole life since? Half the people that know me IRL use my middle name because it’s easier and people don’t call me Liz! There’s a lot of nicknames I’ve used at various times online like Lisa, Elise and even Beth once but just decided to go with my real name for once.

My parents are the ones that did my legal name change when I was still a minor and I didn’t have a lot of say in it. I’ve recently encountered a situation where this has become problematic because at the time, they had the records of that sealed. When my mom died when I was 25, I lost all the paperwork showing my name had been changed but wasn’t the least concerned about it. It wasn’t something I ever needed.

I was born in Ohio, one of the two remaining US states where it is impossible to get a changed birth certificate no matter what you do and I’ve never had one other than the original. I’ve managed somehow to get by without ever needing one either UNTIL I tried to file for Social Security retirement benefits even though I’ve only ever had a social security number under my present name as a female.

I have a birth certificate with a boy name and gender marker but no way to prove it is mine unless I hire a lawyer and go to court to get my name change records unsealed and I can’t afford that nor do I really want to go through the embarrassment of it. Due to adoption laws and stuff, getting these types of records unsealed is notoriously difficult where I live now so I’m kind of stuck with this issue at the moment.

In this respect, it sucks to have to deal with being trans after all this time. It really bothers me.

Quote from: Maddie
I'm happy for you and your longtime ex that you are still in each other's lives. Just feels right when human relationships don't have to end with permanently burnt bridges.

Yeah, that’s pretty neat. There are 3 other people I’ve had LTRs with. I’m still great lifelong friends with two of them.

Quote from: Maddie
May places like your sports bar and grill will be safe again.
Hoping sometime this year..

They have actually been reopened for a week, supposedly with social distancing measures? My BFF has been after me for days wanting me to go with her tonight and there’s a slim chance I might give into her nagging but it’s doubtful. I’d like to wait another week or two to see if opening things up causes a new spike in infections.


Offline Elisabeth

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Re: I must be lacking in drama? (TL:DR)
« Reply #8 on: May 16, 2020, 02:55:03 PM »
Welcome from me as well Elisabeth!

Remember what version of Vb you ran?

Thanks for the welcome, Kiera! Nice to meet you.

I don't remember what version I was running but I do recall a new version of PHP came out that would have clobbered all my extensive mods if I upgraded VB to be compatible. I still have the domain and have thought about resurrecting my old forum but would be so much work and cost more than it’s worth. BTW, it was about motorsports primarily since I am a huge fan and alternative Fortean topics like UFOs, conspiracies, aliens and weird stuff because I'm kind of a nut.  :)

Hi, I'll add my welcome.  I often disagree with you but I recognise your intelligence and wealth of experience, and two of your brownie points at Dev's Place were from me.  In fact, your reputation points to number of posts ratio there was extraordinarily high, so some members must have appreciated you.

Thanks to you too, MaryT for the howdy over on this side of town. I do of course remember you.

I guess I'm one of those polarizing people you either like or can't stand? Sometimes I can't stand myself so I guess it all works out?  ::)


Offline Dena

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Re: I must be lacking in drama? (TL:DR)
« Reply #9 on: May 17, 2020, 07:36:25 AM »
PS
I owned, admined and heavily modded a vBulletin forum for 3 years by myself with several hundred members. Might start playing with SMF in case the draft board should get desperate enough call my number somewhere down the line.  ::)
I am running about a 7.3 PHP which is the latest and greatest with 2.0.17 SMF. This version of SMF doesn't really run clean with that level of PHP but it's rigged to ignore the error messages. Because I know an upgrade to 2.1.1 SMF is in the future, I am pretty much sticking to the publicly available mods to the site. Besides that, why make a code change when somebody else has already done it and might maintain it for you.

The thing that bothers me about modifications is the way they work. Years ago, I wrote one self modifying code program. I knew the dangers of it but I had to fit a large chunk of code in a small space. Modifications are one step away from that but carry the additional danger that they may not survive and upgrade. Even now, I have a modification that was written for the beta of 2.0.1. There has to be a better way or perhaps every so often they should incorporate the modification ideas into the next SMF release so there isn't a constant problem of incompatibility.

Hopefully by using the latest and greatest, I can put this problem off until something better comes along as the web platform will allow me to select older versions of PHP.
Email contact through dena@transhaven.org

Offline Kiera

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Re: I must be lacking in drama? (TL:DR)
« Reply #10 on: May 18, 2020, 12:49:33 AM »
. . still have the domain and have thought about resurrecting my old forum . . am a huge fan and alternative Fortean topics like UFOs, conspiracies, aliens and weird stuff because I'm kind of a nut.  :)

        Ah! A Star Trek fan since day one I'm fast becoming a believer! Have you seen Netflix's "Unacknowledged"? Don't trust our deep state, suppose anything is plausible, am forever frustrated just can't get it up to Warp Speed . .

lol Can make it run faster but after a "set/stop" can't make the "stars streak/ trail out!"

        The problem I see with the new software, aside from less stock functionality, is third party developers ain't what they used to be with "hacking the internet" days largely over. Lost my original account at Vb.org and it took an act of God to reinstate access but the "mods" are still there and, with a little tweaking, am still successfully running both 3.8.2 and 3.8.12 on same server ERROR FREE running PHP 5.4 and PHP 7.2 respectively.

Maintaining a site is easy but keeping up with deliberate php changes, so ya need to buy more software, is a 'B' which one can be easily overcome by simply following the "flagged error lines" and copy/incorporating new syntax changes into the older version software. Tried UltraEdit32 yet? It actually also does multi-file, line-by-line, synchronized scrolling for easy code comparisons.

But know what you mean Elisabeth am NOT reinstalling YEARS worth of mods!

. . 7.3 PHP which is the latest and greatest . . why make a code change when somebody else has already done it and might maintain it for you.

Well I seriously question that 1st statement Dena and that someone might maintain it? If "already done for you" then how does one ever learn? Self-modifying code?




« Last Edit: May 18, 2020, 04:13:06 AM by Kiera »

Offline Dena

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Re: I must be lacking in drama? (TL:DR)
« Reply #11 on: May 18, 2020, 11:02:39 PM »
Well I seriously question that 1st statement Dena and that someone might maintain it? If "already done for you" then how does one ever learn? Self-modifying code?

I am using far to many mods already to fix all of them and run the site at the same time. I probably have the skill to do it with about 40 years of several assemblers, 7 years of fortran with some C and Basic thrown in. On the other hand, if I am lucky, most of the mods may already be compatible and just require testing. That's a project for latter as I suspect it will be a year or two before I will need to think about it.
Email contact through dena@transhaven.org

Offline Maddie

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Re: I must be lacking in drama? (TL:DR)
« Reply #12 on: May 19, 2020, 07:18:57 AM »
Elisabeth you have amazing hair,.  I wouldn't mind knowing what you do for it.
I think I need a trim for mine to grow longer
Head up moving forward

Offline Elisabeth

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Re: I must be lacking in drama? (TL:DR)
« Reply #13 on: May 19, 2020, 06:30:36 PM »
Elisabeth you have amazing hair,.  I wouldn't mind knowing what you do for it.

Oh gosh, thanks! I love my hair!

Considering all the brutally mean things I've done to it over the years, I'm lucky I still have it. Thanks for asking too. I consider my hair one of my best assets. Most women when they get to a certain age go with a shorter style but I haven't had short hair since I was nine and as long as it keeps growing, I'll let it.

This was my hair in February of 2019 and it's a couple inches longer now. I am naturally blonde but I go to the salon every 6 to 8 weeks, depending on when I can afford it to have my highlights touched up. I have the ends trimmed about every third time I go. It's been a while since I've been and I'm kind of hating it at the moment but with things opening up, I'll be making an appointment soon.


I try to eat a relatively healthy diet. Pizza, tacos and beer are healthy, right? I'm not sure if it helps but I also take a daily multi-vitamin and biotin supplement. I usually only shampoo my hair twice or sometimes three times a week if I'm out and about and it gets really dirty but since the quarantine, I've only been washing it once a week. In between, I'll rinse it and use conditioner, otherwise I'd never get a comb through it. I alternate using a purple shampoo for blonde hair and regular Garnier Fructis shampoo and conditioner. My hair is fine and tends toward the dry side so along with an occasional mask, I routinely rub some Moroccan argan oil through it which keeps it hydrated and adds a little shine. 

Normally when I go to bed, I put it up in a knot/bun so it doesn't end up a tangled rat's nest but since the lockdown, have just been leaving it that way and avoid looking in the mirror. If I'm seeing someone or going out, I always leave it down because I'm an insecure bitch and it hides half of my stupid face that way.  :)

I try to use as little heat on it as possible and let it mostly air dry but usually finish up with a blow dryer. Typically if I'm going somewhere or out to the bar for a night on the town, I'll throw some waves in it with a curling iron like above but sometimes I'll just leave it straight. This is from sometime last summer after I'd had it shortened a bit with just a blow out and left uncurled.



My crappy old phone camera sucks at capturing the color but this one below is pretty close to how it usually comes out after a trip to the salon and is about the same color as it was when I was in high school and it was down to my waist. Considering I haven't had it done since February, it looks pretty crappy at the moment and I'm less than loving it.



Thanks again for your comment. Obviously I'm quite a narcissistic egomaniac when it comes to my hair! Sorry for the big photos.

Offline Maddie

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Re: I must be lacking in drama? (TL:DR)
« Reply #14 on: May 19, 2020, 09:30:53 PM »
 Nice shooting tex.  :)

Love the waves, but totally get why that's not every day..

If I'm caught in a photo with my hair back, I cringe.  Doesn't matter what looked good in the mirror before.
I need to shroud and shape my face with curls for a look I'm confident with.
Head up moving forward