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Don’t you hate it when? Let’s rant about anything! (story/rant – long)

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Okay, I’ll start, rather frivolously and at excruciating length I might add.

Since the place I hang out, a crusty neighborhood sports bar/restaurant with a moose or elk head behind the bar and dollar bills stapled to the the wall or in other words a real high class joint opened again from lockdown on the 13th or 14th, I ventured out for the first time in a couple of months last Sunday the 17th. I’d been busy earlier that day running an errand and my ex-husband and his wife came over for a couple hours so I was kind of atypically casual for going out and my hair looked like crap. I went anyway. It was a still a hundred degrees hot in the late afternoon when I got there and I met my friend Jennifer and like dumbasses, we sweltered on the outside patio but the whole rest of night turned into a huge reunion of familiar friends and faces.

Social distancing be dammed, I got hugged by at least 8 or 9 people and some of them twice and some of them were guys I really like so it was a super fun evening and night. Six and a half hours, five pints, half a shot of Jameson and various other substances later, it was such a fun and memorable evening I got home and wrote a whole TL;DR story about it until after the sun came up and sent it to my friend and known masochist because I know she’ll painfully force her way through my mindless novels and tales of debauchery and merriment.

So anyway, it’s Saturday today and I’m looking forward to another fun night at this crappy dive sports bar laughing with my lowlife friends and having fun. The only difference this time is I had and took the time to get all purdied up for a night on the town and not be so basic as last time and was looking forward to my evening. I hadn’t washed my hair in over week and even lost my mind and shaved my legs and underarms, painted my toes and played loud music and took my own damn sweet time obsessing over makeup with a touch of Saturday night glam. I messed with my hair for what felt like 45 minutes and rummaged around through my closet for something to wear that didn’t make me look fat. That took more than a few tries and a bit of frustration.  :-\

I ended up with my favorite sundress I haven’t worn since early fall that everybody’s already seen me wear every few months through our hot summers but I always get compliments on it. It’s one of my power outfits. (haha I’m so delusional!)

It’s the only thing I have I wear out without a bra because old lady boobs but what the heck. I prefer anti-gravity devices that gently urges (or forces with magic) things back to where they used to be and usually wear one and yes, I kind of miss having a younger body but I’m not too unhappy about the changes from growing old. Most of the time anyway.

Same outfit taken August or September 2019

Anyhow, it was one of those nights when it all came together... the hair, the warpaint, the outfit, the perfect level of trailer park white bar trash slutty… all the good stuff! When you’re feeling great and confident you know it and in my mind, I ran through all the possible people I could meet and how those interactions might take place? What girls were there and what were they wearing? Would my favorite boys be there or maybe someone new and intersting?  I was really looking forward it and to halfway flirting with some of my more favorite gents and laughing and having a good time. I even straightened up my house in case anyone wanted to come over after the bar closed which happens sometimes. A while back I had six people over and Jerry brought his guitar and sang until the wee hours. Some friends known to have a little too much have frequently made use of my couch.

So I pull into the bar at 11:15, late enough for the late afternoon and early evening drunk crowd to have left and my gang to be there and late enough to be fashionably late and immediately notice the parking lot is alarmingly empty. I’m thinking this doesn’t look like fun being all dressed up to party if nobody is there. I park by the outside patio and shield my eyes up against the smoked glass windows to peer inside and see FOUR PEOPLE sitting at the bar I didn’t recognize and a bartender I didn’t know very well. I got back in my car and came back home. F...K!

Looking and feeling my best and no other kids to play with - Dammit! After all that work, regardless if I enjoyed time in self pampering/self care or not. (I did).  What a waste! Strip off jewelry and earrings I’d just changed for the first time in two or three months, whine about how good my hair looked and now having to put it up and switching into some old rags after changing out of what I was wearing. My makeup came out at its best so haven’t attended to the chore of removing it because during the last few months I’d forgotten what I looked like wearing makeup and wasn’t ready to yet so in other words, getting un-ready is as big of a pain of getting ready and my whole night was a bust. Poop!

So what do I do? Grab some beers and sit down at the keyboard. I do this a lot. (write, not drink!)  ::)

I should have been a little more prepared for this to happen because the crowd at the bar and my gang is always a little bit unpredictable on 3-day holiday weekends. It’s usually busy Thursday or Friday night skipping Saturday with things happening late Sunday afternoon/early evening into the late night and I should have thought about that. Sunday night, the crew usually gathers early and goes to another bar that’s open an hour later until 2:00 so now I gotta go through the whole rigmarole again tomorrow to see my friends and interact. At least nobody saw what I was wearing and I can wear it again (Sunday) that but day after hair isn’t going to look as good and who knows if I’ll hit that perfect combination tomorrow or feel as sassy?

Yeah, I know, First World problems and I know others have more important things to worry about and more serious issues (like transitioning) in their lives but I think it’s important to also show what a fully lived life can be like when those types of issues are memories in your distant past even if you don’t like my particular lifestyle.

So what would you like to rant about?

I’ve got plenty more and some less trivial but someone else take a turn, serious or not. Let’s work to build content here and hopefully attract more voices to the party.

The first person to rant about long posts is gonna get a sock in the nose!  ;D


--- Quote ---Note:
The first person to rant about long posts is gonna get a sock in the nose!  ;D
--- End quote ---

Ah...l like my nose just like it is, thank you very much. Therefore l shall limit my exceedingly SHORT RANT to: No comment.😎
However...l am sorry your much anticipated reunion with your frirndsatthe bar never materialized. As the old saying goes..."Some days chicken. Some days, feathers."
I hope it's chicken pot pie tonight.💃😛😅👌🏼💞💖


--- Quote from: Elisabeth on May 24, 2020, 07:44:28 AM ---Okay, I’ll start, rather frivolously and at excruciating length I might add.

So what would you like to rant about?

I’ve got plenty more and some less trivial but someone else take a turn, serious or not. Let’s work to build content here and hopefully attract more voices to the party.

The first person to rant about long posts is gonna get a sock in the nose!  ;D

--- End quote ---

Hi @Elisabeth,                       24 May 2020

Your post was too short and didn't have enough Pictures. No don't get after me about not having enough pictures on this site. I have some very revealing photos here; one can't get more personal than that.

Next: You look fabulous in your avatar and the photo of you sitting there showing us your summer dress.

Next, Next: I am a nudist; used to belong to a nudist resort not too far from Southlake Texas. I had been a member there for two years. After I decided to transition and had my surgery (Orchi) and was on HRT, I called and asked them if they allowed Transgender folks in the resort. They said they had no problem with anyone, they were totally inclusive. I told them I appreciated that and that I was now Transgender.

Need a little back up (reverse gear). The previous year, when my membership was due for renewal, they sent me numerous emails asking me to renew my membership, which I did.

Now back in forward gear: A couple months after my conversation with them, my membership was due for renewal. Not a peep from them. Inclusive? Yeah, right, inclusive if you are anything but.

To be honest, I was tired of the long drive to get there and when they didn't offer to renew my membership I knew I no longer wanted to be a member of their "Inclusive" resort.

That's my rant for the day. Hope you had a chuckle or two... at my expense. If you want a really good laugh, you can go to the MTF Surgical Images thread, where you will be able to view three of my shortcomings.

Take care folks.

Best Always, Love


Here I am again at 3:30 in the morning with another alcohol and cannabis infused wall-of-text rant: Crushes and Unrequited Feelings (with a sub-rant about stupid and emotionally unavailable men.) Grrr!

Antisthenes, you can skip this. I’ve been talking to you about this jackwad since the night I met him and began to get over my crush on hunky young Mr. L. You’ve listened to all the fun and good times we’ve had together and listened to me whine and cry on your shoulder and question my own sanity at times for the things I’ve been through with him that weren’t good. How or why you’ve done this and put up with me is a bit of a mystery but having a friend that gives me shit and tough love when I need it is priceless. You told me long ago to dump his sorry broken loser ass and move on and I’ve done that or tried what, three or four times now?

I met this man I’ll call Brad almost 2½ years ago and right away we hit it off and clicked in so many ways. He’s so funny, witty, playful, quirky and smart and a total obnoxious wiseass jerk in a charming adorable way. He’s very well known in our circle, outgoing, popular and friendly to everyone and we developed a close and one of those psychically connected types of intimacies where so much is just said and communicated with a look, an expression or touch. We see and observe things so much the same way and he always seems to know what I’m thinking and feeling and several months into knowing this guy, in spite of not being much to look* at and probably more dysfunctional and screwed up than I am, I really fell for the idiot. *(note: he’s 6’4” and a teddy bear masculine sort of dude I would bone in a heartbeat only if…)

We were always together when we were both there. Most people that didn’t know us often asked if we were married and those that didn’t assumed we were already dating or boyfriend/girlfriend. I have literally spent several hundreds of hours in this man’s company at his side waiting for him to get his act together and realize how great together we would be if we were in a real relationship but as he has always maintained, he wasn’t ready to be more involved.

Knowing his feelings as he’ll tell anybody, he really likes me, likes being with me and loves spending time together (when I’m not being a c-word). Whatever we have it is fun for the both of us but fairly early on, I wanted more and it caused problems. I made it perfectly clear I was his for the taking but beyond flirting and innuendo and slight PDA’s, he’s never wanted to go there and at times I’ve been so confused by this and it’s caused huge conflict and fights between us and I’ve been angry and heartbroken by his chickensh!t “just friends” bullcrap and not spoken to him and avoided him and treated him like dirt or an NPC for weeks or months at a time.

Eventually though starting off frosty, I end up next to him again and we gradually make up and once things are good and we’re close again it is just so natural for me to want to be physically close to him then the emotional thing happens again for me and the cycle repeats.  >:(

He was out of state for 3 or 4 months and I had hopes that while he was gone, he’d realize how much he missed me and what he was missing. During some of our ‘break ups”, I’d hoped the same thing – that he would want me the ways that I want him but it’s always been the same old “just friends” crap even though I know how he feels about me. He says I’m attractive and it’s just one of those things you can tell by the way you catch a guy looking at you so I just don’t get it. It’s been sooo confusing.

We’ve talked about everything as I’ve questioned this. Did he have “performance problems” he was embarrassed about or other issues he couldn’t deal with? Was it because I’m years older? Nobody thinks I’m older. Did he just hate all women for the debacle his ex-wife had put him through for four years and was he a MGTOW? During one of the times we were fighting and pissed at one another I asked him if he even liked girls? Always when pressed, it was him saying it was him, not me, never with explanation or the real reason which is one of the things that has made the most angry about this up and down like a yoyo situation. We had one very loud, very intense and heated very public fight one night when I pressed him for reasons. We didn’t even look at one another for months after.

Maybe a year ago or less (?) because we were tight when we weren’t hating each other, I even told him about the parts of my life and history he didn’t already know to see if that was one of the reasons? He was more than completely stunned but said since he had absolutely no idea, that wasn’t one of the reasons either. We spent a couple hours one night talking about it and is was quickly forgotten.

After he returned from his months away out of state, we started getting friendly again just as long as I kept my feelings in check and more or less my hands to myself which was nothing but an exercise in frustration. Then the COVID lockdown happened and we didn’t see each other for two months. Once again, I had hoped there was some truth in the old saw, absence makes the heart grow fonder but unfortunately, it did for me but not him. What a surprise.  :-\

I’ve seen and spent the evenings with him three times now that the bars are opened up and tonight was no exception. When I got there, he had saved the empty seat next to him because he said he figured I’d be in knowing that Saturday night is my bitch. We laughed, talked, flirted, played music and sang songs and made those stupid I-know-what-you’re-thinking looks into each other’s eyes that’s both disarming and confusing and makes me just want grab him and shake some sense into his stupid brain knowing that I’m the one with the problem.

I ended up giving him a ride home hoping that he would touch me or kiss me goodnight or ask me in (we’ve been to each other’s homes before and he has kissed me half a dozen times before) or do something but of course he didn’t even though he did say some nice things and I got half a hug or as much as a big man can give in a tiny little car. At least I didn’t get a fistbump. That’s something right? I do want to touch this man. I want to put my hands around his neck and strangle him.

I just cannot be around this man but I can’t stop being around this man. I love him and I hate him and it’s complicated. I have NEVER been this emotionally involved and connected with ANYONE without having slept together and knowing if we were sexually a good match and if a relationship could work or not? If we’d slept together earlier, like maybe two years ago and it just wasn’t there, I wouldn’t have been left wondering and waiting all this time to find out and maybe could have moved on? Grrr!

After four years of being down on his luck, beating cancer, having a TV drama worthy protracted divorce, a bunch of other crappy stuff and being unemployed for all this time, he starts a new $100K per year job on Monday that I’m hoping that once he gets back on his feet and his self-esteem and attitude improves, that maybe he’ll reconsider this just friends stupidity and if a relationship still isn’t in the cards to maybe at least be FWBs? In lieu of either of those things, just knowing really what it is about him and not me would go a long way.

I know in my head this is just more wishful thinking and it pisses me off I do this to myself. It sucks to feel so much unexpressed repressed affection and attraction. No wonder I drink. Grrr!

He says he'll be back tomorrow but is leaving at 9:00. Guess where I'll be tomorrow evening. I hate myself sometimes.  :(

To top it all off, there’s someone else close in my life I have another love/hate relationship also with feelings of affection I can’t share even though I know it’s more or less a distraction from the stupid man I want to be with. At least with this one, there’s reasons I understand so it’s easier to deal with but…


[/rant] Time for bed. Complete was right... I really do need to get laid. ::)

Certainly there’s things other people can rant about? Go for it!


--- Quote --- I met this man I’ll call Brad
--- End quote ---

Brad? Really?  Is that the best alias you can come up with? You're slippin', girl😉😘


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