Author Topic: where it's at now  (Read 1232 times)

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Offline Kiera

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Re: where it's at now
« Reply #20 on: May 31, 2020, 03:36:38 AM »
Glad I'm not in the inner city anymore

       Isn't it just *amazing*, prefer "country life", any excuse to act bad, steal and burn down one's own neighborhood too? LOCK & LOAD . . coming to our neighborhood soon?

SPACE FORCE, episode 8, is looking for good carpenters and HVAC specialists, perhaps you could relocate to the moon as well?

Offline Maddie

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Re: where it's at now
« Reply #21 on: May 31, 2020, 07:11:57 AM »
I don't know anything but I have chills.  I lived in black and hispanic gang neighborhoods in a segregated city for a long time.  Have first hand witnessed and personally affected by unfair and  lethal police violence.  Yet I recorded a pro-cop song in tribute to some law enforcement acquaintances of mine

As far as the moon?? Hopefully find something closer to skilled hair removal  ;)
Head up moving forward

Offline Antisthenes

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Re: where it's at now
« Reply #22 on: May 31, 2020, 03:06:47 PM »
Be very careful out there, Maddie. It feels ominously dangerous right now.  Sending white light and good vibes your way. Stay smart and safe.

Offline Maddie

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Re: where it's at now
« Reply #23 on: June 04, 2020, 04:39:08 PM »
Yesterday I drove to Milwaukee to see my doctor, get blood labs, and also sing with a band at a house. Tuesday night I was following the trouble there on the radio, as it had turned from a protest into a mob. I almost didn't go.
But I got a text message from the band guy and he said "Joey" would be there.

Joey...
Think Tony Danza with a slice of Eric Estrada. With long hair. He plays bass and sings good....

So I spent significant time on my legs, skin, and hair night before.

Went with short skirt, t-shirt, and sandals.  Not too much obvious makeup since it was hot (have not yet progressed to priming and sealing aspects of cosmetic insanity)

My doctor visit was so positive.  I'm starting to understand what's going on, and that she is willing to help me   I already recieved my lab results (!) and my blood levels are in a more normal range.
So the plan is stay same dose.  Also going to add P,

Appts and errands ran over so I arrived fashionably late for jamming. There were four other guys and me.

Joey came right up to me smiling and told me how good I looked!
I smiled, thanked him, and had to return the compliment. He looks real good for his age. Strong salt and pepper hair, cut much shorter now, with a small high ponytail. The man still has an edge. (Not your average grey hair ponytail look, ok)

We sang together easy. No discussion.
Joey took over these other guys' jam and never had to tell me one thing.
Afterwards i sat myself down next to him on the couch.
He said, "I've known you longer than you realize..."
To which i told him exactly where and when we met, in a bar I was playing at, and exactly what he had said to me. 23 years ago. He smiled and said "you remember!"

It was a fun interaction.  He's more than 20 years my senior, lives a hundred miles from me, and has no car.
Handsome talented man though.  Flashes of anger.  I like him.

To wrap it up this critical supernews report- , I didn't longer too long, and made a run for the county line after curfew.
What a rebel ;)
Head up moving forward

Offline Maddie

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Re: where it's at now
« Reply #24 on: June 09, 2020, 12:54:47 PM »
In addition to negative ranting I recently contributed to the "Rant" thread, I think it's important to put an update here about things I do have going on.  Not all the people here where I live are bad.

"Sven" is tall, clean cut, pleasant nature.  Over 60 but looks 45.  He's a fireman, maintains the apts I live at, as well as a golf resort place in the area.  Probably has a full-time job too.
"Harley" is my age, married, short, with health issues.   Very nice guy.  East coast accent which is comfortable to me to hear  here.  Here here.... He helps with keeping the public areas clean in the three buildings.

I've helped them clearing out units in the buildings here and am offering to help more with things that need doing. 

Hoping for a good word for a job at the resort.

I am avoiding going with "Vern" to help him dig holes, blow up caves, and harrass people at the county parks, which he keeps inviting me to do.  No thanks.  He says he's going to set me up with a shortwave radio though.

Building a new history since my legalities changed.  Establish a work record , even if part time, stash a little $, and then get out of here.  To somewhere near a good electro.




Head up moving forward

Offline Kiera

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Re: where it's at now
« Reply #25 on: June 10, 2020, 09:13:16 AM »
Training necessary.  Trust is a problem . . No FB Netflix or tv . .Have kept blinders on for a long time . . Foolishly trying to keep myself sane.

Under a rock is not necessarily a bad place to be!

Have you no "family"? Those you can call "your own"? In many ways I am "all over the place" as well but "family", not politics or gov't, is my rock too!

Offline Maddie

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Re: where it's at now
« Reply #26 on: June 17, 2020, 06:48:13 AM »
My mother and father are driving up to visit me today.
I'm making them lunch.
It's the first time they come to my home since I moved away from them in 1989.

I believe I've always had kind of a feminine look.  Unfortunately for a long time I felt a need to cover that up by acting "rugged macho" for approval and safety.  That is long gone now.  I will try to be just be me, maybe toned back, no makeup.  Maybe just a little makeup...No pink mini skirts.  Relax and beyond that try not to act fake just so they forgive me.
They know everything about my HRT, legal changes, and reasons/direction for these .  Because she asked.  And I told.
It's sad for them, and worse, they have no grandchildren. 
Just trying not to rub it in.

Made food last night.  Better clean the floor now.
Head up moving forward

Offline zirconia

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Re: where it's at now
« Reply #27 on: June 17, 2020, 03:49:03 PM »
Yes...

Offline Maddie

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Re: where it's at now
« Reply #28 on: June 18, 2020, 07:28:13 PM »
Visit from my mom and dad yesterday went really well.
She brought some fruit desserts and gave me compliments on my place and the meal.  She also enjoyed my little porch garden.
Weather was nice.  We walked around the river and main st listening to the churchbells.  My father meets new animal friends everywhere he goes.
They've been married 50 years this week.
Mellow afternoon.  No drama. 
Head up moving forward

Offline Maddie

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Re: where it's at now
« Reply #29 on: June 22, 2020, 12:52:00 PM »
Dick's divorce happened this past Friday via telecourt. He's older, was married 36 years, and has military pension involved in the split up.   Noone helping him. I give a damn and offer to help people (like Dick) who do the same for others.
So I went to help him pack his place up. He had anticipated getting hit hard financially and is moving out of his rented house into his daughters unfinished basement.
I just like throwing shit haphazardly into boxes. For fun.
Dick's politics and religion are not mine. I respect his viewpoint due to his life experiences and respect he shows me Most of what he says is not verifiable. He even implied that I am on a path to being an abomination. Yes!
Despite this I strangely enjoy spending a little time with him. It's not an attraction thing for me...I don't think....the guy is a mess!! But he overall is pretty respectful of my status (minus the abomination thing ).

My neighbor Cole is mid 20s, slender, chef at some country club. Partier. Friendly. Not attracted to this boy either, but he invited me over (to see his new lights from Turkey...lol..). I have no restaurant experience but want to do some kind of white shirt black skirt waitress trip.. and he grew up in the biz and could help my path into that gig.. I will be aware and safe. More later...
Head up moving forward

Offline Kiera

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Re: where it's at now
« Reply #30 on: June 22, 2020, 02:50:56 PM »
. . want to do some kind of white shirt black skirt waitress trip.. More later...


     Go for it! Apron with slacks ok? At Cracker Barrel
we had a choice of pastels in yellow, blue, white or pink! Skirt
was an option but none of the girls wore one so I certainly didn't
want to STAND OUT. Used to wear a bra . . until a customer
asked my daughter, no less, "is that a man or woman"?

She replied something like "don't know will ask them!"



Just for fun (post more later) which age-to-body type are you?


OMG Despite posted age I'd like to think at least 40-50 range?
Am tall, lose another 20, maybe even 30-40?
(From: Forever 21 JUNE 22, 2020 ~ DEBUK)
Quote from: 'E' means 'Forever 21'?
"What caught my eye wasn’t the diet advice (which I can’t even read because the type is so small). It was those drawings of the Five Ages of Woman, which as everybody knows are ‘super hot’, ‘hot’, ‘less hot but still trying’, ‘sexless frump’ and ‘decrepit granny’ . . the intimate, complicated relationship between ageism and sexism."

(ps: Tried blowing this up cannot read smaller captions either!)
« Last Edit: June 22, 2020, 03:56:52 PM by Kiera »

Offline Maddie

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Re: where it's at now
« Reply #31 on: June 22, 2020, 03:08:52 PM »
Yeah for sure.  No doubt.  Comply blend.  Do what everybody else does.
Kind of depends on the establishment...? Yes count me in,  I'm a slacker

But I have good legs.  And I want to....
Stand out.  But in a good way...that's only bad because it's too good and people can't stand that.  Not because it's standing out foolish stupid etc..that's not what I'm going for..

I have good balance and poise in front of people.  I have black slacks.  My voice app is helping find a place that's not too high.. My hair is looking decent in a messy bun    Just need a black apron to pull off this caper.
Maybe a face rearrangement.
« Last Edit: June 22, 2020, 06:58:16 PM by Maddie »
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Offline Maddie

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Re: where it's at now
« Reply #32 on: June 22, 2020, 03:45:57 PM »
Can't blow up the 2nd chart in my phone so it's unreadable.
I'm sure it's telling me that I'm already too old for anything , even though I haven't been born yet.

My mother always said no woman over 25 should have long hair.  Or wear skirts.  Or have any fun.  And she didn't

 I'm dead and this is some kind of hell.

Society is a bunch of idiots gone wild and I'm supposed to emulate  be like them according to their rules.  I never did that and now I'm supposed to.  Yeah right
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Offline Maddie

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Re: where it's at now
« Reply #33 on: June 22, 2020, 03:58:50 PM »
Sorry Kiera.  Thank you for trying to help me out. 
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Offline Kiera

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Re: where it's at now
« Reply #34 on: June 22, 2020, 04:10:43 PM »
My mother always said no woman over 25 . .

      Ditto for women on my mom's side! They were Irish Catholic TOUGH and ya didn't mess with any of them! *sigh* As much I know she loved us am grateful not like her or sisters at all (thx dad?) Could tell ya restaurant stories! I was totally In Love with a co-worker, to my daughter's complete embarrassment.  She was Tall like me and beautiful but in a friendly, ordinary sort of way until I discovered that she not only "just graduated high school" but was into BLM as well?

Never quite over it decided to QUIT instead! Whats-her-face swore I'd never "keep it up" and I was like excuse me . . WWLD?

(ps: was gonna post 'bout this earlier then decided "no"  . . when I then noticed it again during my beach adventures this week. Younger girls than I have ALWAYS, as long as can remember, been attracted to me "with looks" without me ever really understanding WHY. It finally dawned how the "adaptive identity" sense I possess reflects back and then picked up by the type girl that I'm not only attracted to, but envision wanting both of us "to be" as well? In other words, I'm the one "projecting" not her? Sounds WEIRD I know, sorry is not "sexual at all, is probably just definitely in my imagination but, then again, am I the only one who suffers from this?

Blanchard observed something similar in one of his papers will report back when found!
(August 2005, Early History of the Concept of Autogynephilia)
« Last Edit: June 23, 2020, 03:02:05 AM by Kiera »

Offline Maddie

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Re: where it's at now
« Reply #35 on: June 22, 2020, 06:53:35 PM »
Are we allowed to subtract our age category like that???  Lol
If so maybe I can do the 30s one.  I'm in my 40s.

My mom is Irish Catholic born and raised Bronx NY.  Indian too I think.   She don't take carp.

I grew up in late 80s/90s.  Plenty of boys wore makeup and jewelry, and of course long hair.  Other than the long hair (mine was a fro) I didn't do any of that. It wasn't enough.   I needed to wear skirts because that was something the boys did not do. This stupid pain has been with me every day of my life.  I can look good and be happy in pants too..  I actually can blend in ok but who hasn't made a few mistakes??. I have a couple long time female friends, and they like the way I dress.  Just want to be immature for a while...a window?....before settling down more like the last couple pictures in the chart.   I'm not even talking hootchie for crying out loud...let me do some just above  knee length for a while.  Is that ok?  (Rhetorical)

Your adaptive identity thing is interesting Kiera.  Pretty sure I don't have that.  Usually older women like me, and younger "hot" ones ignore me, seem creeped out, or just bored....   it's partly because they can sense they can't control me and I'm not willing to play the game. Not worth it to me. I have a different energy
Men seem to be liking me more lately.  And I feel stupid because my reactions are immature towards that scenario...and my age may not be matching that immaturity.

Just drove a couple yahoos home to next town as a neighbor favor..  Drunk obnoxious and grabby.  Someone rode along so it was ok.  I'm going to see Cole for a little while and just chill before it gets too late.

If my reports are boring eyerollers to real folks I'm sorry.  It's really been along time alone for me and I want it to be like a have social life.  Which you are part of.  If it gets real I might fall silent    I plead the whoremones
« Last Edit: June 22, 2020, 08:02:50 PM by Maddie »
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Offline Kiera

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Re: where it's at now
« Reply #36 on: June 23, 2020, 04:47:01 AM »
My mom is Irish Catholic born and raised Bronx NY . . If my reports are boring eyerollers to real folks I'm sorry

     Don't mind keeping ya company Maddie there's too many L U L L S here already! OMG another east coast Bronx girl? I was born on "Long "Guy'Island" (NY pronunciation?) although both parents are from mid-west. We then soon moved - thank god - to the 'burbs of Jersey and Connecticut before finally escaping to "the bible-belt" South. Question on who decides -> is an "abomination" any worse than a "fornicator"?

Keep to thy own self and be true . .

    Obviously - years wise - am much older than you, having "arrived" when Eisenhower was President. Didn't even attempt transition until early 20's but don't "dress my age" always, especially 'round the house. "boys wearing makeup and jewelry"? Never have yet actually tried to impersonate, deceive or impose by otherwise attempting to "publically pass". Surely everyone in extended family (kids, in-laws and friends) KNOWS how I've always "needed to be" suppose am just forever waiting for THEM to say . .

"for christ's sake won't you stop with the male charade already"!
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. . they like the way I dress.  Just want to be immature for a while...last couple pictures in the chart . . Usually older women like me

Been pushing "tolerance limits" all the time, son's "approval" is the toughest nut to date, doesn't everyone want to be young @ heart forever because, in the end, isn't memories all we 'ave left? Older people are priceless in their own way! My daughter-in-law's grandmother, pushing 90, just SMILES and remembers, enjoys in just watching me want to be the "most beautiful younger her" as well!

Very conservatively traditional and politically reserved . .

For the most part "hot girls" are IDIOTS Maddie I've always wanted to be different & special too, the ultimate "feminine/masculine blend"? Isn't the very nature of the trans beast to "act & look like a woman but, secretly & silently, still think & reason like men"? As far as "adaptive energy" goes that's an entire therapy session unto itself . . if you had asked me all through high school I'd of sworn "liked girls wasn't gay" . . lol until actually started sleeping with more boys as well?

Here here some light reading, related to "NovaGirl":
Home » Gender identity » Most disturbing, sir!
Quote
      This phrase came to my mind after reading Felix Conrad's The Science and Art of Transgender Erotica: from sissies to shemales, crossdreamers to crossdressers. I came across this book some months ago; to be precise, I read about it on Jack Molay's Crossdreamers blog, long ago;

(ps: I have that download for ya, "The Sissy Farm Introduction Manual" but it's in EPUB (nook) format 'aven't had time to transcribe it yet!)
« Last Edit: June 23, 2020, 06:11:43 AM by Kiera »

Offline Complete

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Re: where it's at now
« Reply #37 on: June 23, 2020, 05:14:53 PM »
So, as you know, l sometimes have some difficulty following your thinking on these posts.
So am l reading this correctly? Is this "Where it's at now"?
Quote
The Science and Art of Transgender Erotica: from sissies to shemales, crossdreamers to crossdressers

Offline Maddie

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Re: where it's at now
« Reply #38 on: June 23, 2020, 05:43:31 PM »
Where it's at now?
Not really. 
I didn't read the link yet though.

Yesterday I was a taxi driver. Not Uber.   One guy was grabby and wanted to put his enormous johnny down my throat.
I'm glad that Cole came with me.  He's small and brave and we are friends now.

If it's going to catch me it's going to, no matter where I am.
I want it but I'm not stupid. 

This is my 69th post.


Head up moving forward

Offline Complete

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Re: where it's at now
« Reply #39 on: June 23, 2020, 09:07:53 PM »
Ok. I'm lost. Nevermind. ???