Author Topic: where it's at now  (Read 498 times)

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Offline Maddie

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Re: where it's at now
« Reply #40 on: June 23, 2020, 09:36:19 PM »
Where it's at now is what I called this thread.  So I can share stuff going on with me now doing real life experience.
Things are new again. I'm letting her out and it's awkward. 
Feedback welcome.  Even if weird.

Cruzame bichas
I think my hair is growing again

Online Kiera

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Re: where it's at now
« Reply #41 on: June 24, 2020, 03:43:00 AM »
So am l reading this correctly? Is this "Where it's at now"?

      Complete this diversion is my attempt at "levity", not Maddie's, we were discussing other sites and I got carried away with the "fantasy" part of it all . . . jackmolay is Admin at CDL and Felix Conrad runs the original "Transcend Movement" which has since been renamed to "NovaGirl". Both are regulars commentators at CrossDreamLife of which I have also been a member since Apr 2018.

     Sandra Lopes runs a "Rantings" blog @https://feminina.eu/ and all are either crossdressers or people who may wish to transition but, for various reasons, don't or cannot.
Quote from: About 'Sandra'
Like many others, I’m a 100% heterosexual male crossdresser, living with my beloved GG companion for several years now in a happy relationship that is unlike to change in the near future.

Another example ie: Why Blanchardians are scientifically unsound (and no, it’s not because activists hate them)
Quote
Every now and then, I pop over to ThirdWayTrans’ blog (now "private/protected"?) . . Science obviously also starts with an idea — if that idea can be scientifically validated, it becomes a conjecture. If we actually do some tests or experiments to validate the idea, then it becomes a hypothesis. If we can prove beyond a shadow of doubt that the hypothesis is correct and that the data used and the results can be independently validated, then it becomes a theory . .

     "Blanchard's opinion" obviously never got beyond the "hypothesis" stage and "yes", to answer your question and with all due respect to "z" who I enjoy very much, a transition is much more than just political theory or stressing over how, when or why "SRS". Each and every one of us takes control of our lives in their own way and learning to have "some fun" is just another small part of it. (thus my most recent "avatar")

lol Also I'm starting to suspect that "Sissy Farm(s)" do actually exist? The fact that so many transsexuals, both pre and post, seem to wind up in the sex industry does lend credence to the conjecture!

Indeed do we 'ave a problem with that?
« Last Edit: June 24, 2020, 06:23:19 AM by Kiera »

(Not Stevie Nicks! Jess Harwood instead)
 (Rumour's: Sara)

Offline Maddie

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Re: where it's at now
« Reply #42 on: July 07, 2020, 02:12:14 AM »
Seperating from who I am.  Without murder.
Or I won't make it.
It's not "just" the trans thing....or perhaps it's just that this illness is different for everyone. 
I've done what I can to revive the old family thing. Thinking of it as a way to close that book.
But it's a kind of torture.  To continue the connection is to write myself out of the book of life.
If I'm alive (not sure that I am) then the book is still being written.  Begging the Lord to write me back in all the pages I was taken out of.
Refuse to live trapped as an open sore pillar of shame
Some sadist's reserve battery
Respect and do not even think you can tread on this animal.
I think my hair is growing again

Offline Complete

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Re: where it's at now
« Reply #43 on: July 07, 2020, 11:13:23 AM »
Hi Maddie. I'm not really sure what you're trying to say, but it sounds like your trying to find a place where you can continue to be or interact with those who are most important to you.
Admittedly,this is a difficult place to navigate from. Nevertheless, to do have options. I notice you post on other forums. Are you getting any help there besides the usual platitudes and direction to "counseling"?

Offline Maddie

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Re: where it's at now
« Reply #44 on: July 07, 2020, 01:55:15 PM »
Hi Complete. 
Counseling I've got plenty of these days. Making  best use of the opportunity.
I'm posting more around the forums today.  Sometimes wading through a bog of platitudes, but it is support.   Also trying to offer support to my only in-person trans friend,, who is at refuge,  and has bottom surgery this week.  Noone has the same road, but there are times I feel very alone on mine.
Politics and social consciousness are making me crazy.  Scared I'm going to explode.
 
It's gradual, but I'm looking acting speaking feeling more towards female all the time now.
Men are getting closer to me.  Women appear to be "buying it" more when they interact with me.  It's exciting. 
I want to have sex as a female with a man.  Men.
We cannot go back and change the past.  I am almost 101% certain that I will never bear and breastfeed my own babies.
Praying the world will still be here when I am put together.
I think my hair is growing again

Offline Complete

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Re: where it's at now
« Reply #45 on: July 07, 2020, 02:02:59 PM »
It sounds like you are doing well. Politics; l agree. The current madness is frightening. My guess is 95% of the noise is being generated by I'll informed people needing attention or trying to expiate a non-existant "guilt".
Men, of course are another matter. In general they are singularly driven. The problem for those in transition is that sexually, most men have relatively specific expectations.

Offline zirconia

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Re: where it's at now
« Reply #46 on: July 07, 2020, 02:48:03 PM »
Seperating from who I am.  Without murder.
Or I won't make it.
It's not "just" the trans thing....or perhaps it's just that this illness is different for everyone. 
I've done what I can to revive the old family thing. Thinking of it as a way to close that book.
But it's a kind of torture.  To continue the connection is to write myself out of the book of life.
If I'm alive (not sure that I am) then the book is still being written.  Begging the Lord to write me back in all the pages I was taken out of.
Refuse to live trapped as an open sore pillar of shame
Some sadist's reserve battery
Respect and do not even think you can tread on this animal.

Maddie, I saw your post earlier. I'm glad that Complete responded.
I'm not sure whether I got it right, but it sounds to me that you feel a drive to go forward. Lovely.
And while you tried to revive your ties with your family to give closure, it's also giving you pain.
That although you've been held in a state of nowhere you have a future.
That what's been in the past won't hold you
And you're forging ahead.

Am I right?
I hope so... because if so, I'm glad...

Online Kiera

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Re: where it's at now
« Reply #47 on: Yesterday at 09:21:05 AM »
I am almost 101% certain that I will never bear and breastfeed my own babies . . Praying the world will still be here when I am put together.

         LOL ;) One-year-old eyes mine up but now knows better, give him junk food snacks instead! Lost power after a huge storm rolled through last night which fried modem and now the genset won't start (control panel?) . . solar is 'ok' so counting blessings! The World will always be here - lol - just perhaps no gas, no electric, no food, no meds(original equipment better?)  . .

Got ammunition?

(been giving the house a makeover this week daughter and kids coming home! New paint, flooring, overhaul kitchen/bathrooms etc etc . . )

(Not Stevie Nicks! Jess Harwood instead)
 (Rumour's: Sara)

Offline Maddie

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Re: where it's at now
« Reply #48 on: Yesterday at 10:03:04 AM »
Thank you x3  for concern and feedback.

Good luck Kiera with the power grid.

Today I am cultivating the inside.  Namely me and the inner source.
Without it there is nothing outside in this world worth living for.
Not one thing.
I think my hair is growing again