Author Topic: Me Again  (Read 378 times)

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Offline Kirsteneklund7

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Me Again
« on: December 26, 2019, 04:16:05 AM »
Allow me to introduce myself.

As a child from about age 4 or 5 I used to dream about how good it would be to be a girl. I often cross dressed when parents were around or not. I went to yoga with mum and people remarked is that a boy or a girl(I loved it). I had blonde shoulder length hair. Dysphoria never bothered me as a child. When age 13 hit and some of my friends were becoming young women I felt disappointed and left behind, I really envied them. The dream was over and it was time to man up so I did. I dated girls. I had intimate relationships. I had trouble cultivating the dynamic women are attracted to. Always ended up their friend I could never do the benevolent dictator some guys could.
 I also worked men's jobs- shipbuilding, commercial diver, engineer. In 1989 I nearly married one sweet woman who asked me "You would like to be a woman wouldn't you" I said yes(she knew me well). As the years rolled by a met a lovely woman, had kids , built equity. Enjoyed the white picket fence life until the inevitable dysphoria came home to roost when I was 46 years old. I started to dress for the first time since school. The angst, unease, dissatisfaction and distraction drove me to see a psychiatrist and a psychologist. I had discovered late onset gender dysphoria. To keep functioning I spoke to friends and family and got on HRT in 2015.
 With good diet, exercise, HRT and some feminine expression I can get by so far.Looking forward to interacting and making friends.
 Big Hi and hug to you all!
As a child prayed to be a girl and now its happening, - 40 years later !

Offline Margrit

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Re: Me Again
« Reply #1 on: December 28, 2019, 01:15:16 PM »
Hi and welcome  :) Kirsten
If a man can make you smile,
even if you don't want to,
then you love him.

Offline Kirsteneklund7

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Re: Me Again
« Reply #2 on: December 28, 2019, 04:29:00 PM »
Hi and welcome  :) Kirsten

 Thank you Margrit !
As a child prayed to be a girl and now its happening, - 40 years later !

Offline Kirsteneklund7

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Re: Me Again
« Reply #3 on: December 28, 2019, 04:43:43 PM »
Hi Kirsten,

I pretty much welcomed you in the other post, so I won't bore you with it again. I did want to comment on this post though. You mentioned feeling left behind when your female friends turned 13 and hit puberty. The EXACT same thing happened to me. The girls that I used to hang around with kind of started keeping time with all the other girls and I felt like a total outsider.

I think that time in my life was the first time I really understood what depression was...oh and INTENSE jealousy. It was obvious that my friends were getting their breasts, and I wanted mine to, worse than I ever wanted anything in my life!! I just quit feeling like a complete person during that stage of my life, and I never regained it... well until about a month after I started HRT and mine started budding. Now I'm feeling better about myself than I've felt since puberty.

In the area you grew up in did you find that the girls around there started talking about getting pregnant and having babies around the age of 15 or 16? That happened in my area in a big way. It seemed like all the girls couldn't wait to have babies. The funny thing about that is I was the same way!! I wished I could experience that too, and that feeling has never went away. I mean I know that it could never happen no matter what, but that didn't stop me from wanting it though. Did that happen to you too?

@Katie you mentioned that the girls you know thought you were too nice. I can't tell you how many times someone has said that to me. I was always thinking...how could someone be too nice??? I mean that doesn't make any sense. I like nice people. haha.

Sadly too many girls just want the bad boy. I was never that kind of girl...I just want to be surrounded with niceness.  :D

Again Kirsten...welcome to Trans Refuge!! I look forward to some lively interactions. ;)

xoxo
Lexxi


   Thats a bit uncanny Lexxi! Yes the girls in the upper years of high school were talking about their plans for marriage, motherhood, running a household. The truth really rammed home  at that time,..... I could never be a wife and mother. I made the most of things as best I could as a man. I could never bear my babies, but I could help nurse them and did. Being a father brought satisfaction. When ever I told my wife or female friends how lucky they were to be fertile and bear children and be mothers they just looked at me like I was a bit strange !

 Managing the gender misalignment & the dysphoria that goes with this condition can be a trick at times cant it ?

 Thank you for your warm welcome Lexxi,
                                          Kirsten xx.
« Last Edit: December 29, 2019, 07:21:27 AM by Kirsteneklund7 »
As a child prayed to be a girl and now its happening, - 40 years later !

Offline Kirsteneklund7

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Re: Me Again
« Reply #4 on: December 28, 2019, 05:55:24 PM »
And that shows that we are all different.  While you were dreaming about how wonderful it would be to become a mother, I tried as hard as I could to be a guy, while mostly looking like a girl.  I never has any thoughts about being not able to bear children, cause I never as interested in babies (and still am not).  If anything, that semi functional ovary inside of me caused uncomfortable feelings once a month, and I did not know what was going on.
When the good Lord gave talents away, I for sure missed out on the motherhood and apple pie ones, and anything house wiffy stuff, but I got the talents to work on cars and drive races!

 I too have built cars and motorcycles over the years, mostly because my cheap-arse approach to vehicle purchasing has forced me to be a backyard mechanic. My wife is very handy with cars and engines too. She has the frail body of a woman with the heart of a man. I have the body of a man with the heart of a woman. I wear dresses more than she does !!

 We have owned things like Triumph Herald, various Morris Minis/Mokes, Torana, old Holdens, Series 2 & 3 Landrovers, & other cars and motorbikes.

 Funny how life turns out.

 Hey Linde I hope you can bring over some of your choice pieces from the internet as well. Especially how you managed to live as a man and then as a woman.
As a child prayed to be a girl and now its happening, - 40 years later !

Offline Kirsteneklund7

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Re: Me Again
« Reply #5 on: December 28, 2019, 06:02:48 PM »
Great to see you here Kirsten! There are a few of our Aussie girls here already, so it feels like home straight away! I hope you had a great Christmas, and I am looking forward to both of our life developments in 2020. (well, I'm a little scared by mine now that everything is getting so close!)

Hugs,

Allie


 Isnt it a surreal time of life Allie! I never dreamed this transition stuff would ever happen to me & now we are living it. It still seems too good to be true that it is possible to have surgery and live life as a woman !

 And yes it is great to see an Oz presence on the site.

   Love from Darwin, Kirsten.
As a child prayed to be a girl and now its happening, - 40 years later !